Lord Elrond's Private Boarding School
by Fiora-da-Insane
Summary: A/U. A Private Boarding School in Middle-Earth! Elrond, Earmuffs, Eyebrow Contests, Legolas, social groups, hot boys, Grima, and Wet Hairy Chickens!?! You KNOW you want to read it!
1. Good morning!

Title: Lord Elrond's Private Boarding School (RE-posted)  
  
Author(s): Fiora_da_insane, Christina Booth, and the rest of the personalities in our head  
  
Disclaimer: We own: Fiora, Sefera, Arantha, and that's it so far. We also own the plot. Our close friend, and fellow writer, 'Novaeariel', owns Adalea, we're just borrowing her, and have promised to return her in one piece, Grima-Free. J. R. R. Tolkien owns Middle Earth; We're just playing in it. He also owns all the characters not previously mentioned, We're just sending them to school.  
  
Arwench belongs to the Breegirls, I hope they don't mind me using it...  
  
Summary: THIS IS AN A/U. A Private Boarding School in Middle-Earth! You know this is going to be bad. Mix of O/C and Real characters, NO Mary-sues (is there are, you can mutilate them in your reviews). Food-fights, social groups, and classes very soon! Plus, the much beloved Prince of Mirkwood is on his way.  
  
Rating: Erm...PG-13, Just in case, you know, for the 'prudes.'  
  
Feedback: Yes Please! We'd LOVE to hear what you have to say!  
  
Comments: I didn't like the first one, so I'm trying this again.  
  
Dedication: Uh...To Legolas, Haldir, Aragorn, and Figwit! In addition, anyone who helps us write this! I.e. reviews...Along with Camilla Sandman, creator of OFUM, and Aiwendil Greenleaf, creator of The Private Rehabilitation Center of Minas Tirith. YOU BOTH ROCK!  
  
Oh yeah, and Novaeariel, who wrote some diary thing for the Nazgûl...Read it, don't review it, or else she'll win...  
  
If you have Pairing suggestions, comments, criticism, an opinion, or a flame, PLEASE leave them in your review before you go! Don't even have to sign it!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
One school to take them all, one school to break them  
  
One school to teach them all, and in the classroom Re-make them  
  
In the school of Elrond where the delinquents lie.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
It was early Saturday morning in Lord Elrond's Private Boarding School, and most of the students were sleeping in, or refusing to get up due to throbbing headaches from the party held last night. After all, classes were to start on Tuesday, and everyone wanted to relax before then. Why classes were starting on Tuesday rather than Monday nobody was really sure, although most thought it had to do with the two classrooms that had been desecrated - presumably by students who had yet to be caught. Most were hoping they would strike again, postponing classes for however long they could.  
  
Aragorn, son of Arathorn, was one such student. He groaned audibly as a beam of sunlight hit his tender eyes, and threw a pillow over them. He was echoed by the voice of another in the room, followed with violent swearing from someone else.  
  
"Boromir," growled Aragorn, as the swearing subsided, "What it the matter, my friend?" yet he made no move to raise from the bed, or remove the pillow his eyes.  
  
The voice that replied was not Boromir's, however, but that of Aragorn's other roommate, an elf named Malfanaion, who sounded torn between amusement and pain; "It would seem he found the dead frog his beloved human lover left him last night."  
  
"Lover?" Aragorn gulped down a laugh, sending pain coursing through his head. "Valar, my head hurts." He sat up, and blinked in the to-well-lit room.  
  
"Mine as well, brother Aragorn" replied Boromir, who had apparently stepped on the slimy creature, and was trying to wipe the remains off his foot with a cloth, "And for future reference, master Figwit, Sefera is not my lover, she is a mere friend."  
  
Malfanaion, who had placed himself in front of his dresser before his looking glass, shot a glare at Boromir as he used the pet name given to him by an elf named Fiora. Aragorn rolled his eyes, ignoring the two, and reached for the bottle of painkillers he kept on his bed stand.  
  
As Aragorn slid out of bed, a loud knock on the door interrupted a staring contest that had started between man and elf, and was followed by a female voice; Aragorn recognized it as Sefera, shouting, "Are you boys ready yet? Breakfast will be served soon, and I for one would like to arrive before the rest of the students swallow it all!"  
  
"We'll be out in a minute!" Aragorn yelled back, pulling a shirt, and sitting down to put on his boots. Boromir tore his eyes from Malfanaion to finish dressing himself, the elf likewise to finish brushing his hair.  
  
Sefera sighed irritably, as she tapped her foot on the floor, waiting for the 'boys' to emerge from their room. "Vána help us, how long does it take? Throw on something and get out here!"  
  
"You forget, lady Sefera," shouted Malfanaion, as he started for the door, "Some of us aren't so uptight when it come to drinking."  
  
"Silence yourself, Figwit," the human snapped as the elf left the room, "If it wasn't for me, you would have left with your dear Arwench last night, or have you forgotten."  
  
"Do not call me Figwit...Arwen?" A look of horror crossed his face, and he stared at her. "I nearly LEFT with Arwen?"  
  
Sefera giggled, and took a step away from him, as Aragorn emerged from his room. "You what, Malfanaion?"  
  
"Remind me never to get drunk again." He replied, and started from the breakfast hall.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Arantha, daughter of one of the richest lords of Gondor (and might proud of it, might I add), finished brushing her hair, and started for the door; but not without casting a glare at her roommate, a young elf maiden by the name of Adalea, who returned the favor with more venom in her eyes then the human could muster. Arantha let out a 'humph' and continued on her way to...well, wherever snotty humans go. Adalea could care less. She had more important things to do.  
  
Grinning rather evilly to herself, brown eyes flickering with mischief, the blonde elf moved quickly to take out a small cloth wrapped around something from under her bed. Maintaining her grin, the elf snuck over to the bed of her roommate, and unwrapped whatever it was, and gently tucked it under Arantha's sheets.  
  
"Never call an elf vain," she hissed, tossing the cloth to the floor. I wonder what else I can do to her?" creeping around, she glanced around for any dirt she could get on the human. Deciding the locked bed stand would prove promising, she bent over and swiftly began to pick the lock with a...well...lock pick.  
  
A click came from the object, and her grin widened. "A diary is it?" she mused, lifting it from it's place under a stack of parchment. Such lovely dirt!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Arantha marched down the halls of the school, her brown hair trailing behind her, bouncing gently on the cloth of her long white dress. She walked with the grace of a lady, all the while glaring down at anyone that passed her. Dwarf, human, elf, hobbit, they were all lesser than herself.  
  
She stopped on her way down the hallway to knock at a door and yell, "Arwen, are you ready yet?"  
  
"Hold on," sang a voice from inside the room. Valar, Arantha hated elves, singing all the time, so damn beautiful. Why did she even bother? That's right, she was Lord Elrond's daughter. Was what it her father had said? You can always tell where a person was going by the company they keep. If She was going to go far, Arantha was going to have to put up with snobbish elves and the like for a long time.  
  
Still, that didn't mean she had to like it. "Hurry up, Arwen! Breakfast will start soon and everyone stares if you come in late."  
  
Grumbling was heard behind the door, and the elf previously mentioned exited the room, wearing a stunning green dress. Arantha didn't say anything about, and instead started toward the Breakfast hall, gossiping with her Elvin companion.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Frodo Baggins, son of Drogo Baggins, lay curled up in his little bed in his little room in the boy's dormitories of the worst boarding school in the history of Middle Earth, truing to ignore the hissing the worst roommate ever.  
  
"Precioussss, Gollum, my precious, my love, my preciousssss" came the hissing from the other bed, where a small gray creature sat, crouched over something in its hands.  
  
Frodo rolled over, and snagged his pillow, holding it tightly over his head.  
  
"PRECIOUS!" the other screeched loudly, jumping up and down on his bed.  
  
"WILL YOU SHUT UP!" snapped Frodo, throwing his pillow at his roommate.  
  
"My love, My precious," he hissed, crouching over his bed, cradling the something. "It's mine!" he shouted, as the pillow came flying at him, and then leapt off his bed, and crouched down in a corner, "it wouldn't take it from us, would it... Gollum?"  
  
"No, I wouldn't," muttered Frodo irritably, sitting up, "Smeagol, will you put some clothes on?"  
  
"Is it telling us to dress ourselves?" the other mused to himself, still crouched in a corner, "does it dislike us as we is? Shall we please it? Or shall we not?"  
  
"Why should we please it," he answered himself, "It has done nothing for us! Let us kill it!" Smeagol looked up at Frodo with wild eyes, and started to crawl out of his corner, much in the way a cat stalks a mouse. Frodo gulped audibly, and climbed out of bed, reaching slowly for his sword, Sting, until...  
  
Wumph! "Gah!" Smeagol leapt from the door as it swung open, and retreated to the bathroom.  
  
"Sam!" cried Frodo happily, "thank goodness you here"  
  
"Has the stinker been up to his old tricks again, Mr. Frodo?" asked Sam, glancing around the room for the creature in question. "You should really ask Elrond for a room change."  
  
"Sam, you shouldn't say things like that about him!" scolded Frodo. Then, dropping his voice, "Besides, you know Elrond won't let me change rooms."  
  
"Well, at least stop sleeping in here," reasoned Sam, "You never know, that stinker might strangle you in your sleep"  
  
"He'd do no such thing!" snapped Frodo, turning towards the bathroom. "Now come on out Smeagol, that's a good boy, come on out, and well put some clothes on you"  
  
"MY PRECIOUS!" Both Sam and Frodo jumped, as Smeagol very suddenly flew out of the bathroom, and out into the hall, wearing nothing but a loincloth.  
  
"We'd better go after him," sighted Frodo, grabbing a cloak for the gray one, and both hobbits gave chase after him.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Fiora Flagraton sighed irritability, as she leaned against the doors of the breakfast hall, watching the long line form in front of it. The good food went fast here, and to be first in line was something very few could pull off. Therefore, naturally, Fiora or one of her friends would wake up extra early and get here first. That way, the whole group got a fair meal, and was ready to go about their business.  
  
Unfortunately, part of this plan included showing up, something nobody seemed to be doing at the time.  
  
Fiora glanced out the window at the sun, and muttered a curse under her breath. She really didn't want to block the doors again, just so her friends could eat. Then again, it was rather fun...Even when that human girl tried to kill her...  
  
Especially when the human girl had tried to kill her. The poor clumsy dear had tried to hit her, and had missed spectacularly, managing to throw herself in a passing bin of trash. Despite everyone being very angry with her for blocking breakfast, they had cheered her on after she had 'thrown' (She hadn't touched the girl, but nobody would listen to her) the human into the trash. Apparently, she was well known and well hated. Too bad Fiora couldn't remember her name.  
  
The elf girl sighed again, and changed position, putting more of her weight against the door, while playing with her red hair. She got a lot of stares for her hair color, since elves generally didn't have red hair. Fiora couldn't even remember ever seeing an elf with red hair. Of course, the black dress didn't help either.  
  
It was then the crowd outside the hall began to part, as a human with brown hair, followed closely by an elf, made their way roughly through, stopping a few feet before Fiora, as the people around them began to draw back, hoping for a good fight.  
  
"Well, if it isn't dear Fiora again," snarled Arantha, "Going to be holding up breakfast again so you can fill yourself with the best food with your dear friends once more?"  
  
Fiora smiled gently, all the while trying to remember the girl's name. "I should hope I would not have to," she replied, maintaining eye contact, "But I fear I may do so once more, if they fail to arrive on time. I pray you will not attempt to assault me once more, my lady...What was your name again?"  
  
The reply wasn't meant to be either offensive or humorous, but seemed to have both effects. The majority of the hall started laughing at the memory of Arantha covered in rotting fruit, while the girl glared at her. She did open her mouth to reply, but was cut short.  
  
"Not starting any more fights, are you, lady Fiora?" Aragorn had finally made it, and just in time too.  
  
"No, my lord Aragorn, I have not been, for it was the human who spoke first." Fiora returned, keeping the formal voice that Aragorn had started.  
  
"That is god to hear, my dear lady," it was Malfanaion, who spoke now, stepping out next to Aragorn, "I would hate to see you thrown in detention for thrashing a mere human lady before classes have even started." A few people snickered at the obvious blow to the girls ego.  
  
"I assure you, master elf, it would not be me who would be 'trashed'," Arantha hissed back, shooting a glare at the three who had sided against her.  
  
Fiora shot a glare at Malfanaion and Aragorn, but as the words escaped the girl's lips, she changed her glare to her. "Excuse me, Lady whatever-your- name-is," she snapped, not at all liking the fact that this human, who had fallen in trash trying to hit her, thought she could best her in battle, "I believe you were the one that failed to hit me, and fell, mind you, FELL into a trash bin. I hardly doubt I would have to thrash you, for I would have to do is step aside, and let the floor do it for me."  
  
Arantha and Fiora both looked ready to kill each other, and near everyone drew back, expecting a full-fledged girl-fight to break out (Hopefully including ripping of dresses) when a loud voice was heard screaming "MY PRECIOUS!"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Adalea and Sefera both grinned from their place on the far side of the hall, as they watched Arantha fall to the floor, all the while Smeagol screaming about his precious.  
  
"Now why'd you have to go and do that?" asked Sam, as he stared at the elf and human girls who had just told the gray hobbit...thing...that the human it...he was now attacking had his 'precious.'  
  
The elf just grinned, and started for the crowd, while the human looked down at him, shoving her black hair from her face. "A word of advice, master hobbit," she said gently, glancing up meaningfully at the retreating elf, "Never tell an elf she's vain."  
  
Sam frowned gently. "I'll think I'll remember that, miss. Now, if you don't mind, I think I'd best be getting mister Elrond to come deal with this."  
  
"That might be a good idea," agreed the human, as she started after his friend.  
  
As Sam walked off, he wondered if perhaps the elves weren't as great as he had always thought of them to be.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A/N: So, what do you think? Do you like it, or do you hate it? Will you be back for seconds, or are you full after the first? PLEASE review, and let me know if I should continue!  
  
In addition, Legolas will become part of this fiction, if I continue it. Thanks!  
  
Moreover, if you are interested in becoming a Beta-reader, I could really use one, if you hadn't noticed all the spelling and grammar mistakes that word missed. The paper clip is ASLEEP! *Grumbles about evil paperclips sleeping on the job* 


	2. Staff Listings

Lord Elrond's Private Boarding School  
  
Staff List:  
  
Director/Principle-------------------------------Lord Elrond Halfelven  
  
Security------------------------------------------Sauron  
  
Geography---------------------------------------Bilbo Baggins  
  
Arts & Media-------------------------------------Peter Jackson  
  
History of Middle-Earth-------------------------Saruman  
  
Elven History--------------------------------------Erestor  
  
Literature-----------------------------------------Tom Bombadil  
  
Home Economics---------------------------------Goldberry  
  
Herbology-----------------------------------------Doctor Cheech &Assistant Doctor Chong  
  
Math-----------------------------------------------Celeborn  
  
Fitness--------------------------------------------Umguati Kickbootie  
  
Archery/Fencing--------------------------------- Thranduil/Denethor  
  
Horseback riding---------------------------------Theoden  
  
Basic magic 101---------------------------------Gandalf  
  
Blacksmithing------------------------------------Gloin  
  
Basic Healing/Healthy Living-------------------Elrond  
  
Animal Care--------------------------------------Radagast  
  
Choir----------------------------------------------Lurtz  
A/N: This is NOT the finalized version. If you have class ideas, teacher preferences, Name corrections, and so forth, Please leave it in your review (please Note the PLEASE) or e-mail it to me at: Angel_department@yahoo.com (Please note the PLEASE). Pretty please with (Insert Lust Object Here) on top? I have allowed myself a few 'fic' days to mess with this, and if I need more I can always blow up another classroom, so send in your suggestion now! ^_^  
  
Special Thanks to:  
  
'Ellen The Trickstar' for your GREAT idea *mimics evil laugh* You know what it is! I also thank you for a few more idea's that sprang from your review!  
  
Bah! Damn snooty paper clip! WAKE UP! And what's wrong with the word snooty? Snooty! Snooty! Snooty! 


	3. Wet hairy Chickens

"If a dwarf mines alone in a cave and is buried alive, does anyone care?" Legolas to Gimli from While the Ring went south by Thundera Tiger (Great fan fiction, look it up!)  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Fiora: A VERY special thanks to 'Candycane loves Legalous' for being the first to place me on their favorite list! It inspired me to write more!  
  
Gray Squirrel: Moving Dust Particles inspire you  
  
Fiora: Shut up!  
  
Fear not, 'VladimirsAngel' on the reviewer's bench, for a few certain blonde elves are on their way, Glorfindel as well, 'Clarenova', although he's a student, poor dear. Besides, he's too *hot* to have to be a stuffy old teacher, and I want to get him drunk! ^_~ Same with Haldir, he's WAY to *hot*.  
  
Moreover, 'morchaint', I have de-digimon-ized Saruman.  
  
Gray Squirrel: He was a digimon? What dies he digivole to?  
  
Fiora: Shut up!  
  
EIGHT Reviews so far! Yeah me! ^_^  
  
In addition, I'm holding a mock poll for anyone who wants to put in their two sense, as to which color dress Boromir would look best in. Don't ask why, its Sefera's Idea, not mine.  
  
So far black has been said, along with gold/red, and sparkly-silver/purple. See fiction for more information.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Arantha sniffed indignantly as she marched passed a table filled with giggling hobbits, following closely behind Arwen as the made their way to their own table, filled with their own snobbish friends. "The wonders of being a she-child born rich," Sefera, mused to herself, watching the girls glare at anyone who dared to laugh. She turned abruptly to Boromir, and stated, "If you had been born a girl, I bet you would be much like her!"  
  
Boromir, who had a mouth full of food, choked at this comment, and stared bewildered at the girl for a moment.  
  
"Sefera, how do you come up with these things?" Adalea gave her friend the were-you-dropped-on-your-head-at-birth look, then giggled. "Imagine, Boromir in a dress." The majority of the table laughed, while Boromir tried to dislodge the bread from his throat.  
  
"Oh, yes," Sefera squealed, "in a nice light-blue dress, with long hair pulled back in a bun,"  
  
"I think he'd look better in a ruby red," cut in Aragorn  
  
"Deep blue for me," put in Malfanaion.  
  
"No, Aragorn's right, he's defiantly the red." Adalea stated, ducking as Boromir aimed a piece of cheese at her. "Actually, you'd probably look better in plainer colors. Maybe a Brooooown. Deeeeeeep Broooown."  
  
"Actually, if you don't mind, I'd rather keep my clothes the way they are," Boromir said, all the while gazing at the giggling Adalea as if she had just grown rabbit ears.  
  
"Well, Boromir, I think you would look fantastic in an elvish dress, both green and brown! It would match your hair wonderfully!" All eyes tuned to Fiora, as she finished speaking, fidgeting with the long sleeves of her own black dress as she spoke.  
  
"This coming for the elf wearing a black dress?" Sefera snickered.  
  
"I'm the only one in this school wearing one, aren't I?" she looked very proud of herself for a moment, until Halbarad, who was sitting down to eat with them, snorted.  
  
"Yes, my lady Fiora, black is a most excellent color, for the queen of the Orcs." The man ducked down as she pelted him with anything on her plate she didn't plan to eat.  
  
"Violence will get you now where, my lady Orc," Aragorn teased, grinning viciously.  
  
"This coming from the man who was encouraging Miss queen-of-the-Valor to fight me this morning?" Fiora snapped back.  
  
His grin faded a bit, "Arantha's been after me ever since our lady Arwen informed her of my...heritage."  
  
"So you wanted me to slaughter her for you this morning?" Aragorn nodded. "Humph!" Fiora tuned away, as if offended.  
  
"Give the poor man a break," Halbarad cut in, "He's to much of a gentlemen to do it himself."  
  
"Personally, I feel sorry for you Boromir," said Sefera suddenly, with the air of causality, "You have to be led around by this half-wit when you get out of here." She ducked down under the table very quickly, as both rangers' threw something at her.  
  
Adalea cleared her throat, "If you children are done with," she cut in, speaking loudly for a moment, but then her voice dropped, "I hear the new students are to arrive today."  
  
"Oh yes," Fiora said brightly, "Lets hurry up and eat then, we need to find Éomer!"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
(A/N: Cover your ears, there may be squealing. *hands out towels*)  
  
Legolas, prince of Mirkwood, fidgeted with the mane of his horse, in complete disbelief of what was going on. He was riding a white horse, among a company of elves, dwarves, hobbits, and humans, with Mithrandir in the lead, on the way to a boarding school. That was all perfectly normal, he supposed. The fact that Warg -riding - Orcs flanked the group was not in any way, however, normal.  
  
All his life, Legolas has been taught that Orcs were a thing of evil, and Wargs were very much the same. Yet now, he, and various others who had been raised by the same beliefs, were left in the care of these brutes. What was Elrond thinking, sending them out to fetch the students? Mithrandir, or no, such treatment was beyond cruel.  
  
"I cannot believe Lord Elrond would ally himself with such fowl creatures," hissed the elf that rode next to him, Glorfindel, shaking his head in disgust.  
  
"I am sure all of us here feel the same, Glorfindel, but it would seem there is naught we could do of it." Both elves turned behind them, to meet the speaker, a Lothlórien elf by the name of Haldir. Beside him rode two other elves, his brothers, Rúmil and Orophin.  
  
"Yes, it would seem that was Mithrandir's reasoning for removing all of our weapons before we began this journey" the prince muttered, glaring at the nearest Orc.  
  
"Well, muttering about it will do us no good," put in Rúmil, also glaring at the Orcs, "although my horse does not care for such company. Tell me, do you know of the classes they are holding at this school? Our lord Celeborn it is said will be teaching various forms of math, and that is all I know."  
  
"My father has offered to teach Archery at this school," offered Legolas, wondering silently to himself why the king of Mirkwood would do such a thing, "He spoke of Denethor of Gondor teaching fencing as well."  
  
"Well, at least there will be some classes worth taking," mused Glorfindel, nodding his head gently, "I have heard talk of my Lord Elrond teaching a healing class."  
  
While this talk went on amongst the elves, a pair of dwarves were riding their ponies, quite awkwardly, nearer to the back of the traveling group, were discussing the classes they planned to take.  
  
"My father is teaching Blacksmithing at this school," Gimli boasted, "Although I fail to understand why he would work willing for an elf. However, that is a class I most certainly plan to take."  
  
"Oh yes, Blacksmithing is a must," his companion, Larka, squealed, "And with you father teaching, it will be a very good class."  
  
"The math classes they will be offering will hopefully be of much use, for I have heard that with such skills, we will be able to construct better tunnels for mining"  
  
"And you will undoubtedly be the best miner in all of the Glittering caves!"  
  
Gimli blushed slightly under his beard, as she once again complimented him on something. "Aye, the best miner," his eyes twinkled, as he glanced at her, "with the prettiest dwarf of at my side."  
  
"Aww, Gimli. That's so sweet!" The dwarf girl leaned over to kiss him, but a snarling Orc and a snapping Warg pulled up in between them.  
  
"None of that!" he glowered in common, before driving his beast off, muttering in his own foul tongue.  
  
"I doubt I have ever see something so ugly, nor smelt something as bad as these foul creatures," Gimli muttered, glowering at the Orc, and then nearly fell off his horse as a bird whistled twice loudly somewhere near him. "Damn birds," he muttered, as Larka giggled at his clumsy-ness.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Sefera waited patently from her hiding place just beyond the clearing where the group of new students would be riding their horses through in moments. A fair amount of the school was in the general area of the stables, where Eomer was waiting to calm the horses. The dwarves would be riding the ponies, and if all went well, they would fall off them when the dog howled.  
  
The dog, which she suspected was half wolf, belonged to Fiora, and was a major part of the plan. If she didn't howl, they wouldn't be able to pull it off safely.  
  
"Okay, Adalea, any time now" she murmured to herself, waiting patiently for the signal to set off the dog. Just moments ago, she had heard Fiora whistle twice, signifying two dwarves. Now all she had to do was wait for it...  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Merry and Pippin bounced happily along on their ponies, listening to the elves speaking of parties. "Did you have pints?" asked Pippin curiously, as the one named Orophin described his first drinking experience.  
  
"Yes, we did, Pippin," replied the elf, glancing down at the hobbit, "many pints, if memory serves me correctly."  
  
Rúmil laughed, "brother, you were so drunk that night, I hardly believe you remember what you speak of."  
  
The rest laughed, but it was cut short, as the Wargs and Orcs very suddenly broke form the group, riding ahead of them and into the clearing before them, where they saw it...  
  
"That's the school?" Haldir exclaimed, startled at what he saw. "Somehow, it's not quite what I was expecting."  
  
"It is rather...drab...for my lord," agreed Glorfindel, as the group broke from the trees. A hawk screeched from somewhere above them, and Pippin was sure he heard a few crickets chirp. He had to agree with the elves, the school didn't look really elvish at all, rather, just like a regular old school.  
  
Very suddenly, his pony bolted forward, along with the rest, as a Warg, (or wolf, or perhaps it was a dog) howled from somewhere nearby. Someone shouted something, he wasn't sure what, as he was trying to hang onto his pony, but whatever it was made the big horses stop.  
  
The next thing he knew, the poor hobbit found himself being hung by his shirt, as he watched four ponies, two of them without riders, bolt for the stables ahead. "Oh, hey, thanks" he offered Orophin, who had grabbed him from his Horse. Legolas had grabbed his cousin, and both had to admit they were both very grateful.  
  
For it wasn't long before the two dwarves fell off their horses.  
  
After that, when they were both grumbling, and trying to get up, two water skins what out from the trees, followed by a few more, each hitting it's target, one of the dwarves, and exploding. They weren't filled with water either, but rather a black substance that seemed rather sticky.  
  
The elves burst into laughter, Nearly dropping himself and his cousin, whilst the two hobbits laughed along as well. However, the attackers weren't done yet.  
  
More water skins shot out from the trees, this time from them burst water and...Feathers?  
  
In the end, two wet chicken-dwarves sat there in the middle of the field, everyone laughing hard, both the new arrivals and the students who had gathered near the stables to greet them. "It would seem Fiora is already here," Haldir exclaimed to his brothers, whipping tears from his eyes.  
  
Pippin wondered briefly who Fiora was, and what she had to do with anything.  
  
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A/N: Yeah! I'm done! Wee-hee! Now I'm off to watch Lord of the rings, Fellowship Of The Ring Extended version, featuring Merry and Pippin dancing on a table in the Green Dragon! I just got it to! It's my...yes...my precioussss...DON'T TOUCH IT!  
  
BTW, what do you think of this? REVIEW please! Please? Pretty please with Chocolate sauce and (insert lust object here) on top? Hey...Haldir...hehe...*drool* 


	4. Chapter four

"You should really delve into Legolas a bit more." (Myself To 'Novaeariel' when we were discussing her current fiction. It was really wrong at the time, considering all the things we had said before...Including Saruman's leg hair...)  
  
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A/N: If you have ANY ideas for what I could do in this, PLEASE let me know! My muse is occupied with her own stuff, and I am currently serving as her muse, so, well, yeah.  
  
To top it off, none of my other friends are Lord of the Rings freaks. What is wrong with them, I do not know.  
  
A Beta Reader or two would be nice as well, but no volunteers yet...  
  
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A special thanks to All My reviewers! No Flames yet! I suppose I must be doing something right! Or it's so bad nobody wants to...ANYWAY, Ice Cream for you ALL!!!!!!  
  
VladimirsAngel: LEAVE MY ELF ALONE! *Leaps in front of him protectively, but he yelps and runs away.* Haldir! Wait! I'm NOT Going to pair you with Grima!  
  
K.R.: Choir? Yes actually, I was, but I can't seem to find a teacher...Lurtz? lol, I wasn't aware he could sing ^_^  
  
Morchaint: Imrahil and his daughter? Okay, I'll see what I can do, but I don't know much about them.  
  
Black Squirrel: Cough-Nothing-at-all-Cough  
  
Shut up!  
  
I'm doing my best to get in all the poor characters that nobody uses, it's so depressing that they are ignored.  
  
Ellen The Trickstar: No! Not my head! Here! *Puts Gimli in her place.* Wait, no, I need him later on. NO! Not like that! For Larka...er...yeah.  
  
I think I might do something special if I reach 63 Reviews. Dunno what yet, just a thought...  
  
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Adalea sighed as she hurried down the hall, pulling her cloak closer around her to conceal her torn dress. How did Fiora talk her into these things? Oh yeah, to save Legolas from a room with Grima. By Oromë, Legolas had better be thankful. After all, sharing a room with Grima...  
  
Speaking of the worm, there he was, standing right outside Elrond's office, as planned. Suppressing a shudder, the elf continued toward him, whilst he stared back at her eagerly. Valar help me, she thought to herself, as she smiled at him seductively. "Hey Grima."  
  
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Elrond sat in his office, massaging his head, as he stared at the looming pile of parchment before him. "New students," he muttered to himself, "Classes haven't even started, and I can't even keep up with the ones I have. Thank the Valar Sauron volunteered himself and his Orcs, else I doubt I would be able to get through the first week."  
  
He paused now, wondering when he had gotten into the habit of speaking to himself aloud. Rather than admit he was possibly loosing his mind, he continued to massage his head, waiting for someone to burst through his office door and inform him of some problem. Like Sam that morning about Smeagol, or Gandalf later on about empty ale barrels in the courtyard, or that Rohan boy about one of the horses being dyed blue, which was followed by...  
  
As if on some sort of cue, Saruman burst in through the door, followed by a pair of...Large wet hairy chickens? Elrond blinked, then blinked again, wondering if this was some sort of trick of his mind. No, they were still there.  
  
"Lord Elrond," spoke the wizard, watching the emotions play across the elf's face with amusement, "the new students have arrived. These two have fallen subject to a prank, the prankster we have yet to find. The Wargs and Beorn are currently attempting to track them down. The rest of the new ones are waiting in the lobby for further instructions as to where they will be boarding."  
  
The elf lord glanced from the Wizard to the...whatever...and back. He nodded as if he understood. "Send them to the showers in the gymnasium, and show in the other students."  
  
Saruman nodded, and led the two out, ordering the others in as he left. Elrond watched the group enter, all laughing at the misfortune of the others.  
  
"Silence!" he called, stopping the laughter, "I am lord Elrond, for those of you who do not know. I am the principal of this school and -"  
  
The rest of whatever he was going to say was drowned out by a very loud shriek, and a bang on the door.  
  
"What in the Valar..." he started, storming past the group at towards the door.  
  
He opened it, only to find Grima sprawled on the floor, an elven girl standing nearby in a torn dress. "What happened?" demanded Elrond, glancing from the elf to the human and back.  
  
"He attacked me," sobbed the girl, tears welling in her eyes, "he tore my dress, and grabbed my butt, and he..." She trailed off as she let out another loud sob.  
  
"Adalea!" cried out Legolas from inside Elrond's office, but the elf-lord turned heel before the prince could exit.  
  
"Stay there!" he commanded, closing the door in his face, then turning to glare down at a startled Grima. "Is what 'Adalea' says true?"  
  
"N-n-no..." he stuttered, blanching under his gaze, "she t-told me to mee- et her here, so - so we could..." He stopped in mid sentence, realizing that perhaps it wasn't the best thing to tell him.  
  
"Could?" questioned the elf lord, glaring down at him, all the while thinking: 'At least I can give dentition to one student today'.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Meanwhile, near the stables, a very confused and terrified group of girls cowered, as a bear approached them, Orcs and Wargs as well.  
  
"bu...But we didn't do anything!" whimpered one of these girls, a young elf with blonde hair wearing a green dress.  
  
An Orc walked up to them, holding a torn piece of cloth, whilst the bear blocked off all escape, growling subtly at the girls. "We found this in the trees," he hissed, glaring at them, "the Wargs led us here, it was one of you. "  
  
Arantha stepped forward now, glaring back at them. She was terrified, yes, but she wasn't going to be pushed around by a bunch of...things. "We did not commit the-" she began in her usual snotty tone, but the bear snarled at her, and was very suddenly, not a bear.  
  
The once a bear - now a man sprang forward, and seized Arantha by the arm. "Let's take a trip to lord Elrond," he growled, "Perhaps you can explain to him how your dress ended up stuck in a tree." He motioned towards the tear at the bottom of the girls dress, then proceeded to drag her off.  
  
Once they were out of hearing, Arwen leaned over to one of her friends, , and asked, "but wasn't she with us by the stables the entire time?"  
  
The girl frowned gently, "yes, I do believe she was."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Legolas, Haldir, Rúmil, Orophin, Glorfindel, merry, and pippin as stood or sat in lord Elrond's office, hoping he would return son. The door was locked, so they could not exit through there, and none had the urge to exit through the windows and climb down a steep wall.  
  
So, rather than be bored, they talked about...things. Actually, to be more accurate, Pippin talked, and the rest just listened, occasionally inquiring about this or that. Right now, the subject was thus: Ale.  
  
"The Green Dragon, let me tell you a thing or two about that place-"  
  
"More like a thing or twelve," Glorfindel murmured to his fellow elves, who were also boring of the hobbit's talk. One could suppose, I guess, that it was lucky a figure draped in a black shroud chose to climb in through the window at that point.  
  
Everyone was fairly startled, especially the elves, who had not heard the figure climb up the wall. Each reached for their weapon, only to find that they were still removed.  
  
The figure nodded at the group, and proceeded to the desk, where it began to sift through the papers upon it. "Who are you?" demanded Haldir suspiciously, as the figure picked up a piece of parchment and crumpled it up, tossing it over it's shoulder out the window.  
  
It did not reply immediately, as it replaced the paper now outside with another from which it drew from the shroud. When she spoke, and a she it had to be, Rúmil, Orophin, and Haldir all shared a look of surprise. "Your lover, good day!"  
  
She then crossed the room with speed and grace that signified the likeliness of her being an elf, and disappeared out the window. Rúmil sprang towards the window a moment afterwards, and shook his head. The three brothers shared a knowing look.  
  
"So, she is here," Haldir said with a grin.  
  
"Who? What? Are you talking about flora, or whoever you mentioned before?"  
  
"Fiora," corrected Orophin, "she would be the one that turned our dwarf companions into chickens, if I am not mistaken."  
  
"And it would seem as if she has been up to more mischief..." Rúmil did not finish, for the sounds of Elrond were heard to approach. True to their elven ears, he appeared moments later, looking thoroughly ticked off. "Now, where were we?"  
  
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A/N: Okay, that was a bit weird I suppose, but it will get better, I promise! I wrote that off a sugar high. Goodnight everybody!  
  
Okaaaaaaaay, I'm officially scared. As I was writing this, I had Yahoo e- mail open, hitting the refresh button on occasion to see if I had anything, when suddenly a voice come through over the speakers. "While I was going up the stair, I met a man who wasn't there. He wasn't there again today. I wish I wish he'd go away." The ONLY reason why I know this quote is because I've used it before, and I even put it on a Digimon fiction I wrote a long time ago.  
  
Even scarier, I clicked up that window to see if there was something on it, and there was a gunshot, over the speakers, and a red handprint on the screen. I'm very scared right now.  
  
I just got done watching The Fellowship of the Rings for the umpteenth time, this time with the extras, and *sob* BOROMIR DIES!  
  
Blue squirrel: Like you didn't know that already...  
  
*Ignores the squirrel, and grabs Legolas around the neck and hugs him close, sobbing loudly, before realizing it's actually Elrond.* Oops, sorry...hehe *Grabs Legolas, this time, and ignores the weird looks everyone is giving her.*  
  
Review, and maybe Aragorn will appear covered in whip cream...*Aragorn turns tail and runs* or not...  
  
FYI, Aragorn is a descendant of Elrond's brother, Elros, through many generations of Men. Interesting, isn't it, that he is distantly related to Arwen? Moreover, his distant great-something grandfather was a half-elf? Therefore, he has a tiny bit of elven blood in him... 


	5. The Musings of Wormtounge

Does anyone agree that the song 'Sad but True' by Metallica describes Gollum/Smeagol perfectly?  
  
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Special Thanks to Novaeariel for a slight bit of co-authoring and coaching and idea granting and beta reading and musing and calling me and forcing me to write and that's a run on sentence, I'm sure!  
  
Special Thanks to Morchaint for being my Beta! Everyone say nice things now!  
  
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Whip Cream and Monty Python for all who reviewed! (Well, not really...)  
  
Ellen the Trickstar: First, thanks for the constant stream of reviews! Make me feel special. Hey! SO what if I don't use it? I like it where it is, thank you very much :p I'm glad you don't have any use for it...that axe looks sharp...o_o;  
  
Red and Gold ^_^ Fabulous, just fabulous! Have you considered a career in fashion?  
  
VladimirsAngel: Also, thanks for your continuous flow of reviews! Perhaps I'll loan him to you when he is not in use, I sort of need him right now. FYI, Kurt is cool, Remy is better!  
  
Empress Trishette: Yes, sugar high is good. Orange Slice, Ice Cream, Chocolate, and Hot Chocolate...*trails on for a good ten minuets, before snapping back to reality* sorry... DO you really think so? I'm touched that you like it! ^_^  
  
sum1: Glad you like it ^_^ I'll see what I can do to please you! And it wasn't an e-mail...O_o  
  
Morchaint: Thank you soooooooo much for the information! My O's cannot represent my gratitude! I'll see what I can do about inserting them into my next chapter! And thanks for the Beta-ing!!!  
  
Current # of Reviews: 19 Current Goal: 30 1/5  
  
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It turns out the weird thing I explained in my last chapter was actually an advertisement for a movie that seems to appear after a while if you leave a Yahoo! Window open. Now I feel like the stupid git I am...  
  
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"That was bloody brilliant Fiora!" exclaimed Adalea, as she sat down on Fiora's bed, grinning insanely.  
  
"Yes, it was," Sefera giggled in agreement, "Arantha and Grima in detention in one day!"  
  
"Although Arantha only got two days," muttered Fiora darkly," damn those teacher's pets anyway!"  
  
"Oh really Fiora, it's no big deal," Adalea frowned at her friend, "I mean, look at the greater good...actually, evil. Two dwarves dressed in molasses and feathers, Haldir has his own room rather than with those hobbits, and Legolas is Grima free!"  
  
Fiora rolled her eyes, "You realize if Elrond catches us, we're in detention for at least a month?"  
  
"You'll get two months," taunted Sefera, "It was your idea."  
  
Fiora stuck out her tongue in reply as she sat down across from Adalea, and tore her black shroud off. "Damn those things get hot!" she complained, wrapping it loosely around her shoulders.  
  
Adalea frowned at her friend for a moment. "Why didn't you tell me that Legolas was among those traveling to the school today?"  
  
"Hmmm...Huh? He was traveling with them?" she repeated, with an air of innocence.  
  
Adalea snorted irritably, "The boys will be on their way over soon, better put some clothes on, Fiora."  
  
The other elf sat there for a moment, before nodding her head. "Yes, I'd rather they didn't see me like this. Something about a group of men seeing me only in my under garments does not sound appealing."  
  
The elf stalked over to her dresser, yanked open a drawer, and took out a black dress.  
  
Sefera frowned, "Do you have nothing else?"  
  
"What do you mean?" Fiora inquired, as Sefera strode over to the dresser.  
  
"You Always wear black!" the human complained, trying to look into the dresser, "don't you have any green or brown?"  
  
"I'm an elf! Of course I have green and brown!"  
  
"Then why do you always wear black?"  
  
"I look better in black!"  
  
"No, you don't."  
  
"Yes, I do"  
  
"No, you don't"  
  
"Yes, I do"...  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Aragorn made his way down the hall, followed by the three new Lothlórien elves that were seeking their friend, Fiora.  
  
"How much trouble has she gotten into thus far?" inquired Haldir, "or has she yet to be caught?"  
  
"Elrond does not even suspect her," Aragorn replied with a grin. "Although she has pulled off a number of pranks."  
  
"She was behind the chicken one, am I correct?" asked Rúmil.  
  
"Aye, she and her two friends, Adalea and Sefera, along with a man from Rohan, named Éomer, if I am not mistaken."  
  
"A group of pranksters? Valar help us," murmured Rúmil, shaking his head.  
  
"The thought is rather terrifying," agreed Orophin.  
  
"It's worse than you think," replied Aragorn, "but as Fiora happens to be the schools primary source of wine and ale, one could not complain. Plus the fact that the girl's little stunt of blowing apart a classroom seems to have postponed classes for the time being."  
  
The other three elves snickered. "This would be Prince Legolas's room, if I am not mistaken" interjected Haldir, knocking on the door. The elf in questioned answered.  
  
"Were going to meet Adalea and her friends," explained Aragorn, "would you care to join us?"  
  
"I will be with you in half a moment," replied the elf, disappearing back into his room. When he re-appeared, he had a long knife sheaved and attacked to his back. "For protection, the lady Warglet did not attack me today when she attacked the dwarves, and I fear she may do so now."  
  
Aragorn raised an eyebrow, but did not say anything, and continued leading the elves down towards the girls dormitories.  
  
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Arantha muttered foul curses to herself as she marched down the hall, heading straight for the room of a certain elf she was certain had framed her. "Miserable red haired blot of the elven race," she muttered, "getting me in trouble for her own stupid pranks, miserable excuse for a living creature."  
  
The human stopped halfway down the hall, frowning. What exactly did she mean to do? A grin crossed her face. "I'll show her exactly why you don't mess with ladies from Gondor," she murmured, continuing her march, "break her delicate elven face, and show Aragorn who the real woman is."  
  
She continued ranting to herself in anger, going over in her mind the looks she had thought she'd seen the future king of Gondor give the elf. An elf! Not only was she an elf, but she had red hair, making her an abnormality among her abnormal kind!  
  
"Aragorn should be with me," she muttered to herself at last. That was her justification for attacking the elf, along with the two days of detention. She had every right to beat the Valar out of her, didn't she?  
  
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..."No, you don't."  
  
"Yes, I do"  
  
"No, you don't"  
  
"Yes, I do"  
  
Adalea sighed irritability at her two friends, as the argument continued. "I'm stuck in a room with two seven-year-olds," she muttered, "By Iluvatar, just try my dress on!" she growled, starting to take off her own green one, "we'll compare, and see what color looks best on you."  
  
"Oh, wonderful," Fiora muttered, "perhaps we should see which hair style I look best in as well."  
  
"Oh, stop complaining and put the dress on!" snapped the blonde elf. Fiora, grumbling something under her breath, complied.  
  
There was a pause after the dress was completely on, and the other two girls scrutinized her. Finally, Adalea announced that her current shift would not work, and promptly made Fiora take off the dress and put on hers.  
  
This was repeated a number of times until Fiora had tried on every dress within the room, and some of the dresses and shifts both Adalea and Sefera had brought from their rooms.  
  
Finally, a very irritated Fiora shoved away the dress Sefera was trying to force on her. "That's enough!" she growled, "I've had enough! I'm going to wear Black, Valar help me, and you are going to stop trying to change that!"  
  
"Aww, come on Fio, we were just starting to have fun," whined Sefera.  
  
"I am not a doll!"  
  
"No, dolls don't complain," snapped Adalea, who had to dodge a balled up shift thrown her way.  
  
It was just then that the door creaked open, behind it, five very startled males. They gaped at the three girls, who were rather lacking in clothing, and the girls, settling in a temporary state of shock, gaped back.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* (A/N: This section is a bit...well...nasty. You may want to skip it. I will not be accountable for any emotional scarring you may receive.)  
  
Grima sat sulking in his room, pale and distressed, with nothing but the fast fading sunlight to keep him company.  
  
Why had she done this to him? He stared down at the note, which read  
  
"After the new arrivals arrive, meet me outside Elrond's office. He'll be busy so it shall be the perfect opportunity to 'get to know' each other." It was signed: Adalea.  
  
He had met her, as the note requested, and she had claimed he had attacked her, something he had not done.  
  
As he played the days events over in his mind, he recalled the first day he had met this Elven beauty. The second week of school, he had watched her argue with another elf, this one with red hair, in the hallways whilst a large crowd pushed past to an assembly meeting in the gymnasium. He had taken the opportunity to take a nice feel. Eru, her butt had felt nice, so soft, and yet so firm.  
  
He stared out his window, running her body over his mind, growing hard at his own fantasies. He started to reach down, but then realized there was someone outside his window, a little ways off.  
  
"Eowyn!" hissed the pale human, as he jumped up and ran out of his room to stalk his shield maiden.  
  
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Aragorn leaned against the wall, eyes closed, looking rather pale.  
  
"I can't believe I just did that," he hissed to himself, but promptly silenced himself as he caught sight of Arantha rounding the corner. She was marching along, looking ready to kill, but the mood disappeared as she realized her future king stood there.  
  
"Good evening, Master Aragorn, how are you doing this fine day?" she asked gallantly, with a curtsey.  
  
"Quite horrible, actually Lady Arantha." He replied with a swift bow, "Have you, per chance, seen the ladies Adalea, Sefera, or Fiora about?"  
  
"No, I have not." She frowned at him, wondering why he looked so nervous.  
  
"Good," he started, looking rather relieved, "For it would seem the three may be trying to-" he was cut off as an arrow shot past Arantha and buried itself in the wall between his two legs. Aragorn paled a bit more, muttered something about his sword, and took off running.  
  
Half a moment later, someone dressed from head to foot in black raced past, armed with a bow and a quiver full of arrows.  
  
"I think I'll go lay down," Arantha mused to herself, shaking her head.  
  
  
  
It was not even an hour later when a loud shriek shook the foundation of the boarding school, as a black haired human raced down the halls towards Elrond's office, wearing a white night gown, with small squishy leeches.  
  
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Wo-hoo! 6 ½ pages! ^_^  
  
Novaeariel is working on a prequel to this fiction; about the adventures Adalea and Legolas share before sent here. Read it and review it, so she'll continue, and make sure to give her loooooong reviews, so she stops complaining. Loud Gabi. :p  
  
http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1206964  
  
ANYWAY, See the button at the bottom of the page? It says 'Review'? CLICK IT! PLEASE? 


	6. Orcish gutterish, and Elrond's earmuffs

Sorry for the long wait, but I was over piled with homework, and had evil writers block. I wonder is any of my regular reviewers are still here? Anyway, yeah, I'm back, and I'm working on the next chapter!  
  
We hopes you likes this chapter...precious...  
  
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To my reviewers:  
  
Aiwendil Greenleaf: Hey! Hi! Glad your reading! Really! ^_^ I'm really glad you like this. Your own fiction is good stuff! I get to stay in your fiction? Really? Awww, thanks!  
  
K.R.: Thanks for reviewing! Classes are starting soon, I just didn't want to really start them...classes...learning...what good can come from it? Oh yeah...Gollum...*evil laughter* Anyway, Chior, coming up ^_^  
  
VladimirsAngel: Ohh...Remy's cards...*Pulls you into a big hug* THANK YOU! And yes, Logan is cool. Very cool. Have you read Twisted Christmas The XMen Way by Disturbed Courtney / Lilith K? Very good, very funny, Cool Logan part, and Remy/Rouge. I'll lend you Haldir after I steal him back...My friend knocked him out and hid him in her hobbit hole...  
  
Espionage: By the Valar, BREATHE! I cannot loose another review! *Sends Legolas to administer CPR Just in case*  
  
Ellen the Trickstar: You clicked twice.I got two reviews! Yeah! The same thing to. Butter knives? Hmm...*backs away*  
  
KaniieViaske: thank you! *blushes*  
  
Michelle B: Glad you like this! The first one sucked, no? Well, I hope this is improved!  
  
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Darkness crept slowly from Middle Earth, fleeing from the raising sun. Shadows slunk the school grounds, and the collective sound of students groaning could be heard echoing throughout the school, as sunlight poured through their windows. Actually, they could have been heard, if an army of roaring Orcs and Wargs had not drowned them out. Orcish gutterish, as it was called, bellowed across the grounds in a horrible melody.  
  
Both Aragorn and Boromir jumped out of their beds in unison, looking for their swords. Haldir and Legolas nearly ran into each other as they fled from the shelter of their blankets in search of anything sharp to use against an attack. Sefera fell to the floor screaming for help. Gollum grabbed Frodo around the neck and tried to use him as a shield. Arantha wailed. General chaos ruled each room of The School of Elrond.  
  
All the while, A human male not from Middle-Earth sat in his room, wishing wistfully his movie had sounded that real. He had, fortunately, gotten an Orc-delivered memo about the early morning wake up call, and had remembered to wear earplugs. The entire staff had. The students had been, mistakenly, left uninformed.  
  
Soon the "song" died down, but peace was not allowed to come back to the students yet. Moments later, a loud knock was heard at each door, the kind the could wake even a deaf man from a dead sleep simply by the vibrations. Afterwards, a voice would call out, "Breakfast hall! Now!" If it was Sauron, Saruman, Gandalf, or the great Elrond himself, nobody was sure.  
  
Half an hour later, the bedraggled students were out of their rooms, followed closely by groups of Orcs. Those who had tried to stay in bed were chased out with their crude weapons. Elrond was looking pleased, as he watched the children miserably enter the breakfast hall.  
  
"I knew there was a reason why I hired you," the elf lord said, turning to face the shadow that approached him from behind, "Perhaps this will teach the student to mess with the classrooms and staff rooms alone."  
  
"The staff as well," added Sauron, stepping beside the elf and gazing at his beloved minions as they escorted in the students. Not one of them would be left in their room.  
  
Elrond simply grinned in reply.  
  
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"I can't believe this!" snarled Arantha, sitting down at a table with her friends. "Called to the breakfast hall at sunup! With no food!"  
  
"And that racket," continued an elf named Alasse', "My ears still ring!"  
  
"It could be worse," Arwen said quietly, glaring at her father who stood before the growing mass of students.  
  
"What do you mean?" inquired a human girl, Legolia, as she following her friend's gaze.  
  
"You remember that handsome elf who was all over me at the party? He was kicked out of the school, for kissing me," her voice was dripping with venom, "Now not one male in the school wants to be near me, afraid they will fall to the same fate."  
  
"Arwen!" Arantha cried, looking at her with surprise, "That's why all the boys started avoiding you? Oh, my poor elf." The girls proceeded to hug each other in the way the girls do to comfort one another.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"I'll bet this has something to do with what we did to those classrooms," Adalea murmured to her friends seated in the far corner table in the breakfast hall. Furthest from the door, furthest from Elrond, and furthest from anyone who would listen in on them.  
  
"Perhaps the Staff rooms too?" added Sefera, "Maybe the constant parties, or the spicy herbs we used to block the Warg's noses. What about dying all of Celeborn's clothes blue? Or-"  
  
"We get it, Sefera." Fiora cut in, shaking her head, "Besides, he doesn't know it was us."  
  
"That's a good thing," added Éomer, grinning, "I'm sure lord Elrond did not like having his horse dyed purple."  
  
The four snickered, grinning evilly. "Where's Aragorn, Legolas, and the others?" asked Adalea suddenly, realizing the rest had not joined them.  
  
"They don't want to be seen with us, in case we got in trouble," Sefera replied.  
  
"What? Why? We NEVER get caught!" snapped Fiora.  
  
"Yes, but I told them not to sit with us. You never know what's going on." Sefera replied.  
  
"Still, we never get caught! We've all been pulling pranks for years, why would we get caught now?"  
  
"I'm not saying we'll get caught, I'm saying just in case-"  
  
"There is no need for a just in case," Fiora persisted, and Éomer and Adalea sighed irritably, "we KNOW what we're doing!"  
  
"How can you stand these two?" Éomer asked Adalea, trying to ignore the bickering girls.  
  
"Years of practice," she replied dryly; as she restrained Sefera from strangling the elf girl across form them.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The mummer of talk among the students gradually rose, as the Orcs continued to chase in a few of the strays that had managed to slink back to their rooms. Soon, it was determined that all the students were present, and the doors were closed. Lord Elrond Halfelven stood at the front of the crowded tables, receiving a few strange looks, as he wore a pair of fluffy maroon earmuffs, which happened to match his robes.  
  
It was not long before the students realized why.  
  
A very large and mean looking Uruk-Hai stepped up next to Elrond, standing a head taller than him, at least. The creature stood there for a moment, before raising a large, crudely made sword.  
  
In response, the crowds of Orcs and Uruk-Hai, surrounding all the possible exits, started another round of singing, much worse than the song than had awakened the students that morning.  
  
Screams erupted from the students, as the unholy sound reached their ears. Each one desperately scrambled to block out the sound. They were luck, for the singing did not hold for long.  
  
The hall was dead silent, the students glaring at Lord Elrond and the Uruk- Hai with anger while rubbing their abused ears.. The Elf lord tenderly removed his earmuffs.  
  
"That's much better." He stated pleasantly, "Now, I suppose you are wondering why I have gathered you all here today." The hall instantly began to buzz with angry voices.  
  
"Chased, is more like it," Legolas muttered.  
  
"Or Herded," added Haldir.  
  
"Definitely herded," agreed Aragorn.  
  
Elrond cleared his throat, "If you continue to converse on as such, you well be treated with another chorus of singing from Master Lurtz and his...associates." The hall fell dead silent, and Elrond grinned slightly in response. "Now, as to why you are all here..."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ohh! Cliffhanger...sorta. Anyway, before I forget, thanks to all my reviewers, and my Beta reader, Gabi, and anyone who reviews THIS CHAPTER *hint*  
  
Review: Tell me what you like, tell me what you hate, say hi! Say something random, flame, or whatever, just REVIEW! Please? *Pokes Legolas until he says please. Pokes Haldir until he makes puppy-dog eyes. Pokes Frodo until he waves.*  
  
^_^ Naamarie, for now. 


	7. Of Queer Eyebrows and Peace Signs

Hello People! I'm back again! Obviously a semi-good thing if you're reading this...I think.  
  
No review replies here. I'm too lazy. Actually, I can't get my E-mail or review page to load. So...Chocolate covered elves for everyone who reviewed! Less hair than hobbits...men...and dwarves...dunno anyone who wants a dwarf, I think they are up for grabs.  
  
Thanks to Gabi for beta reading, and fixing my weird habit of capitalizing random words.  
  
So...Here it is!!! Hope you like this one...  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Haldir sighed, as he fidgeted with his hair, whilst Elrond droned on about the basic school rules. Things like "no fighting" and "No gambling." The entire hall fought to keep back their laughter at "No alcohol, drugs, excess food, or partying," as even Grima had attended the rambunctious parties, which were supplied with much alcohol and drug substance, food enough to fill even hobbits and leave plenty left over, and were held undetected in the courtyard behind the school.  
  
He promptly drifted back into daydreaming, as the elf lord droned on about the various rules of the school. Haldir stared, misty-eyed, at Elrond, whilst the lord's queer eyebrows swiveled this way and that as each word spilled from his lips. Up, Left, plunge down, swivel right, slam left.very hypnotic.  
  
The Lothlórien elf tore his gaze from the queer acrobatic eyebrows, and let it wander around the room. In the far corner, he caught Adalea, staring at Elrond, and attempting to mimic his queer eyebrows, and did so very poorly. He smiled in amusement as she tried to move them in unison with the lords, all the while looking as if she had a headache.  
  
The human sitting next to her, Sefera, was absent-mindedly combing her hair with a... fork, as she watched her friend try to mimic Elrond's queer eyebrows.  
  
Across the table from them, Éomer was watching Elrond intently, holding an empty drinking glass in his hand. Haldir sighed irritability, wondering when Elrond would allow them to eat their breakfast, as Éomer threw the glass over three tables into Boromir's hands. The other human waited for Elrond to look away before throwing it back to Éomer.  
  
Over on the far wall, a group of Uruk-Hai seemed to be betting on who would mess up first. 'At least they aren't singing again,' Haldir thought bitterly, as he continued to scan the room for anything interesting to watch. Eowyn and Faramir talking in the corner, Orophin flirting with some elf girl, hobbits staring at empty plates, Fiora standing behind a group of Orcs with a bucket and brush, Arwen talking with her friends...wait, what was Fiora doing?  
  
The red-haired elf was, much to his surprise, painting. Painting right onto the armor of the Orcs she was hiding behind. He frowned gently, wondering what she was painting onto their armor. Glorfindel seemed to be thinking the same thing, as he followed Haldir's gaze, and mimicked his frown. Leaving over to his ear, Glorfindel whispered:  
  
"Any idea what she's painting?"  
  
"No," replied Haldir, whispering as well, "and I don't think we want to know."  
  
"I suppose your right," the other replied, before turning back to Elrond, while trying to look as if were paying attention.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Arantha sighed impatiently. How long was this elf going to talk? "Hey, Arwen," she said, leaning closer to the elf, "can you do that with your eyebrows?"  
  
"Hmm? Oh, no, not for the life of me; only a few others elves from Rivendell can. Creepy, isn't it?"  
  
"Very," she agreed with a sigh, "would you care to look at my new thong?"  
  
"You have it on you?"  
  
"Yes, It's still in my pocket. I forgot to take it out when I snuck in yesterday from the mail room."  
  
Arwen let out a rather quiet squeal as she eyed it. "This is the Purple leopard print that was voted most attractive in Play Elf! Eru, where did you get this? How did you get this?"  
  
Arantha grinned as the other girls at the table started to fawn over her new thong. "It was the last one at-"  
  
She didn't get to finish her sentence, as another elf at another table shouted, "WHAT do you mean NO SEX?"  
  
Elrond, who had been reading from another very long scroll, jerked his head up, his queer eyebrows dancing in anger at the interruption. "I mean just that, master Glorfindel, No Sexual intercourse, or related actions, of any kind."  
  
"This is Middle Earth, for Valar's sake, Sex is a favorable pastime! All sorts!" replied the blonde elf. Many other students in the hall agreed, looking outraged. Sure, you could ban drugs, alcohol, and the like from schools. Sex was another thing.  
  
"It will not take place in my school!" bellowed Elrond, his queer eyebrows starting on their acrobatics again, "and anyone who breaks this rule will be severely punished!"  
  
"What about teachers, do they too, share this restriction?" Arantha did not hear Elrond's reply, as she came to the realization that the Bitchy Elf Lord was not the only elf with dancing eyebrows. Glorfindel's were doing it as well.  
  
"Oh my Valar, Glorfindel can do it to!" she hissed to the other girls. Everyone's head turned to watch the staring/eyebrow contest held between the two elves, the words lost upon them.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Pippin let out a miserable sigh as he slid down further in his chair, wondering when exactly breakfast would be served. It was bad enough the school only served three meals a day, but had it dwindled down to two? "I hope not," he whispered to himself.  
  
"Hope not what?" the voice was that of a red haired elf that had joined them when the Glorfindel/Elrond - Staring/Eyebrow contest/sex argument had started. That had been all of seven minutes ago. It was still going.  
  
"Hope not meals are now down to two," the hobbit replied. The rest mumbled and nodded their heads in agreement.  
  
"I think I would agree with you, master hobbit," the elf replied, and then pointing to the Orcs, "at least you have some entertainment."  
  
"That will lead to another round of Orc singing, I'm sure," grumbled Merry. The elf just laughed.  
  
"That would require them to admit that a student slipped past their guard," she snapped her fingers, "If they sing to us, they will be admitting such, and thus need to punish us. I doubt Lord Elrond is so cruel as to force us to listen to their voices without reason."  
  
"Does that theory have anything to do with the lack of explosions and other pranks in his room?" inquired Rosie Cotton.  
  
The elf grinned "Precisely, my dear hobbit-ess."  
  
"That's brilliant, missus elf!" exclaimed Sam, as he tried to read the backs of the Orcs.  
  
"It's Fiora, my dear little one," the elf replied, "Now, if you don't mind, there are still five classrooms that have yet to meet explosives, and my fellows and I need to plot how to destroy them."  
  
"Further more postponing school, and in doing as such leaving the door open for more parties," concluded Merry. "Good luck to you, then."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"THERE WILL BE NO SEXUAL INTERCOURSE OR RELATED ACTIONS IN MY SCHOOL!" Elrond bellowed, frustrated. Nearly every student, it seemed, was against him. "I under stand that such actions are favorable among bars, inns, and such, but this is a SCHOOL!"  
  
"We know what this is! You don't need to tell us!"  
  
"School's need to have a form of entertainment too!"  
  
"UUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!"  
  
Even Elrond jumped, as a group of Orcs let out a sound that, it was guessed, was supposed to be laughter. The Elf lord quickly tried to regain his composer.  
  
"There are other ways to find entertainment! Besides, as students, you should be concerned with your studies!" he growled, ignoring the fits of laughter.  
  
"Daddy," Elrond turned slightly to look at his daughter, Arwen, hoping she would back him on this. "Just shut up! And take that butterfly out of your hair for Valar's sake!" she added, glaring at the silver thing that clutched his hair back into a ponytail.  
  
Giggles rose up from the hall, and Elrond's queer eyebrows danced in frustration. "My Ratsisses! We Wants it!" a squealing brown rat raced through his legs, followed by an obviously hungry Gollum.  
  
"That's it!" Elrond roared in frustration, throwing down his scroll, "Classes start in five minutes, any one who is tardy will serve detention for a week!" the hall fell into a dead silence, everyone thinking he had to be joking, except Gollum, as he was thinking how good his rat tasted.  
  
"If the classroom you are supposed to attend is currently non-usable, meet in the courtyard outside the gym. Your schedules are in your rooms. Good day." The elf lord left, followed by the Orcs, and some more fits of laughter.  
  
Painted onto the Orcish armor were peace signs, hippie flowers, hearts, and "Kick Me."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Squee! Another Chappie! Anyway, please review! Even if you just want to type in one word, I would like to know how many people are actually reading this, and are just lurking. It will help me write more! Also, if you don't like something, feel free to list it among the likes! ^_^  
  
Anyone who was paying attention during the council of Elrond, when Merry and Pippin ran out from behind the pillars, Elrond turns his head. He DOES have a silver butterfly clip. Gabi pointed that out for me. Intresting, huh?  
  
Also, Official requests here: WHAT AND WHO DO YOU WANT TO READ ABOUT?!?! I need some input here, so I can please my readers. And yes, angel, Haldir will be getting drunk, sometime. Perhaps not in the very near future, as the next few chapters will be dedicated to...other things.  
  
With much love  
  
Your insane Writer,  
  
Fiora-da-insane (only because they don't allow underscores) 


	8. First Period: Hot Teachers and Pale Elve...

Hello again! Sorry for the wait, but I had to do some stuff. Pay no heed to the staff list any more; it won't do you any good. I came up with a new class listing with more classes, an eight-period schedule, and multiple teachers, including some new ones! I'll try to post it, but I don't think ff.net supports charts...  
  
Now! To my reviewers! Thanks you so much for taking time to review this fan fiction of ours!  
  
VladimirsAngel: Hey, thanks for you continuous reviews! Yes, Elrond should rethink his rules. What is with him anyway? *Realizes Elrond is listening* Er...I mean, how can he be so laid back with them? *Waits until he walks away* sorry, he really scares me. And that hairclip...ugh!  
  
Isilwen-Telpefion: Greetings! Delighted you found us! Glad you like Fiora. She's based, rather loosely, on me *Cough*. I'll put in more Faramir for you! I'd like to say two things to you.  
  
A.) Just a little F.Y.I. in response to your review about red haired elves: in Tolkien's world, elves were rarely redheads. More often, they had black, brown, or blonde hair. All Genetics stuff. That's according to some Tolkien purists I talk with on occasion, anyway. If I'm wrong, let me know.  
  
B.) I think you might be the second or third person that compared this story to the "Mallory Towers." Curious, but who is it by? I don't think I've heard of it before. Most of my fiction ideas are thought up during the weekends I hang out with Adalea's owner, and Arantha is based on a girl at my school.  
  
Anyhow, thanks for reviewing! Hope you like this chapter!  
  
Nikki: Hello! Nice to see ya! More Legolas huh? Will do! I don't suppose you think I should pair him with anyone? O.o  
  
Aragorns Gurl: UPDATED! Yeah! Whee! ^_^ Your perky-ness is rubbing off on me. Glad you like my fiction so much! Your 'Unappreciated' is rather hilarious! Poor Bombadil...Anyway, I have some Aragorn for ya!  
  
K.R.: Hello again! Yes, singing Orcs is not very good. I had a nightmare about it, that's why it's there. Barney was there too. *Shudder*  
  
Ellen the Trickstar: I'm confused too. o.O New chapter! Hey, where are you, anyway? You didn't review my last one. Is it because I didn't reply to your review? Are you mad at me? I'm sorry! Please come back! *Glances around nervously* no...I'm not begging...*gets off her knees*   
  
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Legolas raced down the halls of the school, hoping to get to his class before his five minuets was up. "Why couldn't they have trashed the history room?" he muttered darkly, as he rounded the corner leading to the hallway that housed the classrooms.  
  
Piles of stone, wrecked walls, and smoldering ruins: the results of the 'fire devices' the pranksters had constructed. All signs of such had been removed. Glancing through the open door of one of the literature rooms, he saw more of what he expected: A bit of rubble, although not as much as there should have been, filled the floor of the room.  
  
Frowning gently, Legolas continued on his way through the thinning crowd in the hall, wondering how this side of the school had been re-built so quickly. It was impossible! Just yesterday, the halls and majority of classrooms had been little more than a pile of rubble. Now...it was nearly rebuilt.  
  
'Wonder how Adalea's taking this,' he mused to himself, ducking into the 'history of Elves' classroom. He spotted his friend in the back of the room, sitting at a table behind Haldir and Fiora.  
  
Wading through the other students, the elf prince took the vacant seat next to Adalea. "How did they fix the classrooms so fast?" he asked immediately.  
  
Haldir spun around in his seat. "Apparently, that's what all the Orcs were for," He explained.  
  
"I don't see how they could have rebuilt the school THAT quickly," Adalea growled. "After all the hard work we put into desecrating it, they could have at least had the decency to slow down the building."  
  
"Or postpone classes until they were completely finished," added Legolas, "Is she alright?" He motioned towards Fiora, who was sitting next to Haldir rather stiffly. "I didn't know an elf's skin could be so pale."  
  
Adalea and Haldir exchanged glances. "I think she went into a state of shock when she saw the repaired halls," Haldir explained, watching the girl's mouth open and close like that of a fish.  
  
"Yeah," continued Adalea, "She went all pale, and started repeating 'how' over and over again. We had to carry her in here."  
  
"That bad?" Frowning, the elf prince, leaned over his table, and practically shouted, "Fiora" in her ear. No response.  
  
"That bad," concluded Haldir, just before a loud gong banged somewhere, signifying the start of classes. Students rushed in from the halls, and scrambled to find their seats, as a black haired elf walked into the room.  
  
"Is he the teacher?" breathed Adalea, staring at him, "they let elves that handsome teach here?"  
  
"Handsome?" Fiora snapped, eyes widening, "He's gorgeous!" The other three elves stared at her.  
  
"Welcome back," Haldir said with a frown, but to no avail. Fiora has spaced out again, her eyes following the teacher, who seemed to be preparing his notes for the class. "I've lost her again," Haldir stated with a sigh."  
  
"Adalea's gone to," observed Legolas, watching said elf watch the teacher, "Actually, I think all the females are lost." It was true, to, for every girl in the room was watching him intently. "So much for the 'not sexual intercourse' rule."  
  
Haldir sighed, "and so much for girlfriends," he added, as the teacher stepped up in front of the now-silent class.  
  
"Good morning, class." He said with a gentle smile. Legolas swore he heard the girls sigh in unison, "I am Erestor Nóletur Sáraion Raicamere, or professor Erestor, to my students here. For those of you who do not know, this is History of the Elves. This class will be your first period class, where you will compete with other classes for parties, and the like. I am the lead instructor for this particular class. However, on occasion, other elves will attend as guest speakers. Before we begin class, I need to assign you your books. So, if you would please come up here once I call you name..."  
  
"And girls, please don't maul me," muttered Legolas darkly, "although all of you want to sleep with me, despite me being a completely unimportant elf, and a boring history teacher. "  
  
Haldir shook with laughter. "Jealous?"  
  
"No, I just wish these two would snap out of it," he replied, directing his gaze to the oblivious girl he sat next to.  
  
Haldir nodded his head in reply, glaring at Fiora. "Or just ask him out and be done with it, for Valar's sake."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Good morning, Class!" Glorfindel announced, standing in front of the classroom, "Today, you will sit and talk, as the teacher is busy in his room breaking the most debated school rule!"  
  
"Is he with his wife, though, or has he perhaps taken in a student?" Faramir inquired, as he busily dug through Celeborn's desk, looking for test answers, or anything related.  
  
"It doesn't matter now, he's done with her." Snapped Aragorn, striding back from the door to his desk, Faramir, Glorfindel, and the rest of the class followed suit. "Find anything, Faramir?"  
  
"Nothing," growled the other.  
  
"So much for a head start," sighed Glorfindel, straitening up as Celeborn himself entered the classroom.  
  
"Good-morning Lord Celeborn," the entire class chorused at once, stopping the elf in his tracks. The various students held back giggles at the site of their teacher. His hair was slightly mussed, his clothes were rumpled, and there were faint traces of lipstick on his neck.  
  
"Good morning, class," He replied, glancing around suspiciously. "Welcome to your first period math class." He paused now, surveying the students. "We will begin today by passing out your text books." A collective groan from the students interrupted him.  
  
He waited for the groaning to stop before continuing. "Each of you will be assigned one textbook. You loose it you buy another. You have until Thursday next week to finish Chapter one of the book. When you finish with the first chapter, come see me, and I will give you the chapter test."  
  
Faramir raised his hand, and waved it wildly, trying to get his instructor's attention. Celeborn gave him an irritated look. "Yes, what is it..." he paused, realizing he did not know his name. He didn't get the chance to ask, either, as the boy stated what he wanted.  
  
"I believe your Lady Galadriel would like to see you," the human replied, glancing at a very angry-looking she-elf standing by the door.  
  
"Eh? Oh. Hello...uh...My Lady Galadriel..." Stammered Celeborn; trying to look casual under her gaze.  
  
"I don't think I've ever seen a living elf that pale," whispered Glorfindel, as Faramir and Aragorn tried to keep in their laughter.  
  
"I'll be right back with your teacher, class," Galadriel explained, turning to leave, "come Celeborn." The other elf complied meekly, leaving the classroom teacher less.  
  
Everyone waited until it was agreed that the two were out of earshot, before springing from their seats to chat with their friends. Aragorn, however, had some other plans. Striding to the front of the class, he shouted, "Everyone! Settle down!" the response was surprising, as everyone turned their heads to listen to the man at the front of the room.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Sorry that's so short...or is it? Anyway, please review. PLEASE! Tell me what you want to read about, whom you want to read about, pairs you want to read about, and anything else you want to read about. Please? I need your help! Thanks.  
  
Much Love  
  
Fiora-da-insane 


	9. Second Period Part I

Liz: Yes, I'm trying to work more Eowyn into my fiction, and NO WAY was I going to make her an Aragorn Drooler or a total bitch. Something I really don't like is the way so many authors do that. Arwen isn't going to be a bitch or an Aragorn drooler (yet) either. You'll see... I'll see if I can do the brother rivalry...next chappie! Yeah! They both will have girls to impress! Feel very sorry for Celeborn, to, for reasons later read. More Glorfindel on the way!!!  
  
Zoya: Really? You like it? Thanks! And thanks for the 'mallory towers' author! I think I should go look that up...  
  
VladimirsAngel: *Haldir glances around* who did that? *blink* oh, it's you. *walks away* *Fiora walks in* Haldir, be nice to the reviewer *grins* give her a kiss *mouth's 'Grima'* Ugh! *Haldir kisses angel on the cheek, and runs away.* hehe ^_^  
  
Zelda123: Sorry, don't yell *hides.* This one's longer. Hope you like. I think your review was the closest thing to a flame this fiction has had...  
  
K.R.: Eh-gads! Erestor does sound like the Harry Potter Teacher! Only...nobody knows much about him. And *snicker* there is something else about him...  
  
Only five reviews last chappie! Was it that bad? I'm really sorry if it was...hope this is better!  
  
Please note::: No one beta 'd this, as my beta is asleep. If you notice any grammar or spelling errors, please leave them in your review so I can correct them.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A loud gong echoed across the school grounds, signifying the end of the dreaded first period. A rustle of papers was heard as students finished writing down their homework assignments and rushed from their classrooms. A crowd of swooning girls was seen crowded around the door of the staff hall, hoping to catch a last glimpse of the Professor Erestor, before scattering to get to their next class before their five minuets were up.  
  
Two Elves could be seen making their way down the hall to their choir class, arguing audibly over that one Professor Erestor.  
  
"HE IS NOT!" A few students scampered out of the way of the obviously angry blonde elf, as she shouted at another blonde elf, this one male.  
  
"I'm Telling you, Adalea, he IS" The male insisted, shrugging his shoulder pack higher on his shoulder.  
  
"NO NO NO NO NO! HE IS SOOOO NOT GAY!"  
  
"Adalea, a male elf that is that...attractive...and still single, has got to be gay!"  
  
"Your just jealous!"  
  
"No, YOU'RE just denying the truth."  
  
"No, I'm noooooooottttttttt" The elf sang, plugging her ears with her fingers. Legolas glared at her, before snatching her schedule from her backpack.  
  
"Yes you are," he mused, as Adalea continued to pretend she couldn't hear him, "Because your smitten with him, and don't want to admit he will never be-"  
  
"Give that back!" She snapped, trying to grab the sheet of paper back from him. Legolas just laughed, dancing a few feet away.  
  
"Wait until everyone hears about you outlining his name with hearts and-"  
  
Adalea Lunged for him, and the elf prince jumped back, knocking Arwen to the floor. "Sorry!" The Elf prince called out, as he tore down the hall towards the choir room.  
  
"Sorry," mimicked the other elf, as she tore past the fallen elf after him, shouting for him to stop. He did, too, as he entered the doorway of the choir classroom, a look of shock on his face.  
  
Adalea let out a triumphant yell as her prey stopped, and tackled him. "Give it back, prince Orcling, and I shalt hurt you too-too-too-" She stared from her place sitting on Legolas's back, mouth open, as she met the eyes of a very large Uruk-Hai.  
  
"Off your lover, she-elf," he growled, yanking Adalea to her feet. "Both of you, here, after class. We'll discuss running in the halls, shouting, and flirting."  
  
"I wasn't flirting," protested Adalea in a small voice, but said nothing more as the Uruk-Hai growled.  
  
"We'll discuss it after class," he snarled, as he turned to leave the two terrified elves at the doorway. Their terror quickly melted into humor, as they caught sight of his backside.  
  
A heart, a peace sign, and 'Kiss me, I'm Orcish' was scrawled in bright colored paint. "Pucker up, Adalea" hissed Legolas, dodging a blow from her, as they went to find a seat.  
  
A few seconds later, a rather disgruntled Arwen sat down next to Adalea. "How much trouble did you get into?" She asked, rustling through her bag for something.  
  
"We have to talk to him after class," replied Legolas dryly, watching the teacher shuffle through his papers.  
  
"Have fun," Arwen replied sarcastically, before handing Legolas a hairbrush, "Your hair's a mess."  
  
"Thanks," replied the elf, running it through his hair. Adalea handed him a handful of balled up paper. "Thanks," he repeated, before launching them at the unsuspecting creature.  
  
"Fifty points if they fall down his Armor," explained Adalea, handing Arwen some, "Seventy if they stick in his hair."  
  
"How many for the face?" She asked, nailing the Uruk-Hai in the forehead. He growled audibly, eyeing the growing crowd of students for a suspect, before turning around once again to look for something in his stacks of paper.  
  
"Hundred," replied Adalea, passing some more to the elves behind her.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Is not!" Snapped Fiora, as she sat down on the contently placed stone wall behind the school, in the courtyard.  
  
"Is to!" Sefera snapped back, sitting down near her, as she waited for the "Specialized P.E." class to begin.  
  
"Is not"  
  
"Is to"  
  
"Is not"  
  
"Is to"  
  
"Is not"  
  
"Is to"  
  
"This is pointless"  
  
"No it isn't"  
  
"Yes it is"  
  
"How long are you going to keep this up?" demanded Haldir, ducking as both girls glared at him, only to continue their argument.  
  
"What are they arguing about again?" Inquired Glorfindel, his eyebrows moving with his question, causing Sefera to miss a beat in the argument, and be declared the looser by Fiora.  
  
"Am not!"  
  
"Are Too!"  
  
"Here we go again," muttered Faramir, beating his head against his tree.  
  
"Your going to get bark in your hair," pointed out Eowyn, from her place next to Sefera, "And she did not loose!"  
  
"Yes she did, she waited to long to respond." Boromir replied from his mock duel with Éomer.  
  
"I wouldn't have waited if Glorfindel hadn't of moved his eyebrows!" Sefera responded.  
  
"Tell you what, Sefera," Fiora said, eyeing the dueling men, "If Éomer wins the duel, you didn't loose. If Boromir wins the duel, you loose."  
  
"Why do I have to be stuck with Éomer?" mock whined Sefera, as Éomer growled at her.  
  
"Because his sister sided with you, and Boromir sided with me," replied Fiora, sticking out her tongue.  
  
A loud gong sounded from somewhere, and both Éomer and Boromir jumped back, sheathing their swords. "Looks like you're going to have to settle your argument some other way," said Éomer with an apologetic grin.  
  
"Works for me!" snapped Sefera, right before lunging at Fiora, tackling her to the ground. The various men gathered around cheered her on. "I win," declared Sefera, climbing off the elf.  
  
Fiora stood up, and looked as if she was about to counter-attack, but instead brushed the dirt off her backside and sat back down. "Fine, whatever. Just remember. HE. IS. NOT."  
  
Sefera let out a squawk of protest, "YES. HE. IS."  
  
Haldir sighed. "When are the teachers getting here? I want class to start." Multiple males voiced their agreement as the two girls started at it once more.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~^^^~*~*~*~*  
  
"Orophin, your in charge," Stated Elrond, naming the first student, whose name he actually knew, that wasn't one of his twin sons. "Class, try to finish this worksheet before I return." That said, Elrond swiftly followed after Galadriel, wondering what in the Valar would unnerve his mother-in- law so much.  
  
"Celeborn's been drugged."  
  
"Drugged? What?"  
  
"On of the students, a female, a human, Celeborn says, drugged him, and nearly raped him." Elrond fell silent for a few seconds, as he followed her. Galadriel paused as they neared the staff room. "I've sent Sauron to get the Wargs, and I'm getting what I can out of Celeborn. He's still drugged, and we need your healing talents to remove the rest of the drugs from him."  
  
"Yes, my lady," replied Elrond, taking the lead to her chambers, "any idea who the student was, or the drug paraphernalia they used?"  
  
"No, but I think she might have used in his drink, if you could look at that..."  
  
"Certainly," he replied, wondering why he had to open a school.  
  
"And Elrond?"  
  
"Yes, my lady?" he replied, feeling rather flustered.  
  
"Please remove that ridiculous hairclip from your ponytail!"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Standard review request with a twist::: please review. PLEASE! Tell me what you want to read about, whom you want to read about, pairs you want to read about, and anything else you want to read about. Please? TWIST:::Please list the top five LOTR/Tolkien-owned characters you would consider your Lust Objects. Thanks! ^_^  
  
Much Love  
  
Fiora-da-insane 


	10. Sorry to Disappoint You

Sorry to disappoint you, this is not a chapter, just an author's note. I'd like to know what my reader's opinions are on slash (boy/boy or girl/girl couples). I was thinking about including slash, maybe, but only if it's okay/supported by my readers.  
  
Another request is that my readers list there top five Lust Objects that are Lord of the Rings/Tolkien related, if you please. Don't ask why, for it has much to do with a future chapter. VladimirsAngel can skip this, though; as I'm pretty sure she's committed to Haldir.  
  
I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as I can!  
  
Much love  
  
And insanity  
  
Fiora-da-insane  
  
Angel_department@yahoo.com  
  
P.S. Ideas, comments, suggestions, and even Flames (if you must) from Reviewers are much appreciated!  
  
P.P.S. Zelda123, it wasn't a flame, but the closest thing I've got to it. o.O  
  
P.P.P.S. VladimirsAngel, Haldir wanted me to give you this. *Hands over a not reading "Please stop stalking me!"*. Figured you might want this to, but don't tell Haldir you got it from me *hands her Haldir's new address.* 


	11. Second Period Part II

Sorry for the long wait for the update, but I was grounded *sob, sob.* Thanks for everyone who answered the little A/N last chapter. If I do what I planned on doing, you shall be rewarded!  
  
To me reviewers (in no particular order):  
  
Caz-baz: More rambling from a non-snobby pot smoking, liquor drinking English snob? *Cheers loudly* I LOVE you! Well...in a non-lesbian way (assuming you're female.) hee-hee, why would you be HERE when the good stuff is THERE? I mean, this can't be THAT good...Anyway, I hope you like this chapter!  
  
LilOne: Greetings *waves insanely* hmmm...Love your Lust Objects!  
  
Natalie: Hello, my little slash fan. I don't think I can get away with Legolas/Aragorn parings for two reasons. 1.) my best friends threatened to throttle me if I did. 2.) I think someone(s) would flame me. Do you have any other slash paring suggestions?  
  
Isilwen-Telpefion: You have a very good shag list. Shag...hehe, that's a strange word. Shag...Sorry. I'll stop now.  
  
Ahh! *Ducks as an arrow imbeds itself into the wall* VladimirsAngel, did you sing to him?!? *Ducks and runs away as Haldir chases after with arrows and sharp elven blades.*  
  
ENJOY!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Adalea sighed in the 'I-am-so-neglected-and-have-nothing-to-do' sort of way. Arwen, who had pried about and discovered the prince Legolas was actually single (despite rumor), had taken a seat next to him, and had effectively driven the prince's attention to two things: Arwen the single, and Lurtz the spit-ball target.  
  
In addition, she was blatantly flirting with him, as she talked about a dance her father had planned for the entire school next week. Any second now, Arwen would ask him to go with her.  
  
'Not that I care or anything,' Adalea told herself, 'it would just be nice to go with him and some of our other friends, like all the other times. Besides, he obviously isn't attracted-'  
  
"So, Legolas, would you, perhaps, like to go to the dance with me?" Legolas, who had been watching Lurtz terrorize some hobbits, did a double take to look at Arwen.  
  
"A-what?" he said intelligently.  
  
Arwen offered him a sickening-sweet smile, "I said-" she started again, but was promptly cut off by Lurtz.  
  
"Arwen, daughter of Elrond, move over here!" He snarled.  
  
"Huh? Next to those hobbits?"  
  
"You heard me!" he snarled darkly, waiting for the elf to move.  
  
"We'll talk later," Arwen whispered to Legolas, before sauntering off to take a seat next to the said group of Hobbits.  
  
"Yeah," replied Legolas, watching her retreat. Almost instantly, he turned to face Adalea. "Get me out of this," he hissed urgently.  
  
"A-what?" she replied, acting as if she had not heard.  
  
"Adalea, you heard me!" he growled back, "I need you to-"  
  
"Legolas, son of Thranduil, move over here now!" Snapped Lurtz, pointing to a seat with a group of males, mostly elves.  
  
"We'll talk later," hissed Adalea with a sweet smile, as Legolas marched away.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"What do you mean 'we can't be in this class'?" echoed Eowyn, glaring angrily at her mother-brother.  
  
"Exactly that, sister-daughter. You three are not allowed to attend this class." Replied Theoden, trying to keep calm.  
  
"Specialized physical education is for the male population to practice their fighting skills," added Denethor, "The female population, as well as males who do not wish to learn fighting skills, are supposed to take basic physical education."  
  
Fiora's eyebrow went into a series of agitated twitches. "So, females are equal to that of males who are afraid of sharp objects. Ai Eru, aren't female's special?"  
  
Thranduil sighed irritably; as he recalled a similar argument, once held with Adalea over the same subject. That had been back in Mirkwood. He had lost that one, and he was sure he would loose this one as well. "Fiora that is not what he meant. You are not allowed to take this class," he stated, emphasizing 'allowed', "As it was written in the rule book, by lord Elrond, that this was a male ONLY class-"  
  
"Yet is it not LORD ELROND who is in charge of organizing the schedules, and therefore PUT us in this class?" Fiora's eyebrow went into rapid-twitch mode, as if there was a mini-heart pounding behind it, or something just as strange.  
  
"I get the impression all elves can move they're eyebrows in some shape," whispered Éomer to Faramir, as the group watched the teacher/male versus students/female argument.  
  
"HE broke his OWN rule, and PUT us in this class, so we have every right to be here!" Sefera yelled, glaring forcefully at the teachers.  
  
"Forget it, I'm going to talk to Elrond," snapped Fiora, storming past the teachers.  
  
"He'll just tell you the same thing we did!" snapped Denethor, as the three teachers followed after her.  
  
"I'm almost tempted to follow them," mused Faramir, "Just to watch that argument.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Grima Wormtongue slouched miserably in his seat, as the geography teacher droned on and on about the layout of middle earth. What exactly the discussion was on, he could not tell. There were two beautiful girls standing outside, and that was all that mattered.  
  
The two weren't doing anything of much interest, just chatting pleasantly with each other. That was enough for him, as he tried desperately to decide which one of them to focus his attention primarily upon. "Decisions, decisions," he mused to himself, starting off at them, "Sefera from Gondor, or my dear maiden from Rohan. Soon, you will both be mine..."  
  
He was pulled from his thoughts as the student next to him, a small hobbit wrapped in a cloak that veiled his appearance, hissed. Yes, it has hissed, and it sounded really...disturbed. "No...No, my precious, we mustn't. Leaves it be, my precious. Gollum."  
  
Grima frowned gently, but decided to leave the strange one alone. Whatever his problem was, Grima really didn't want to know. Unfortunately, Mr. Bilbo Baggins did.  
  
"You there! Yes, you, next to the human without eyebrows! Smeagol, isn't it? What are you muttering?"  
  
"Nothing the little hobbitses needs to know, Gollum."  
  
"Well, Smeagol, if you insist on speaking in class, let it be to the entire class, rather than a select few!" Replied the hobbit, turning back to continue his lecture.  
  
"Pesky little hobbitses, yes, precious. Feed them to her we must, precious, when she comes. When she comes, precious. Gollum."  
  
"You there! Stop talking to yourself." Bilbo paused from a moment, as two large green eyes flashed from under the cloak. Could eyes get that big?  
  
Grima just sighed to himself. This was going to be a long class period.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Sorry that's kinda on the short side, I wanted to get this up. Maybe I'll post another one tonight, if I finish it. Now, PLEASE, Review me!  
  
Fictions similar to this one (since good fictions are hard to find):  
  
The Private Rehabilitation Center of Minas Tirith, by Aiwendil Greenleaf  
  
Helm's Deep Summer Camp, by Lily (from the Breegirls) 


	12. Second Period Part III

Hello! Sorry for the wait, but it's spring break, and I haven't been all that close to my computer...  
  
Anyway, thanks to all my reviewers! Yes, even you, VladimirsAngel, even though Elrond had to remove an arrow from my butt. Haldir was laughing the entire time...  
  
caz-baz: I used the words in the first paragraph ^_^ Man, you really seem to love your guitar. I wish I had a guitar...actually, no, I don't. I have no musical skill. Curious, but why Elrohir and not Elladan?  
  
Isilwen-Telpefion: Mother brother is correct, for Theoden is Eowyn's mother's brother; I checked it with the PPC. Arwen and Legolas will continue, at least for now anyway. I am sorry, I have little control over the happenings of Adalea's part of the world, for her owner has threatened to hurt me if I do anything I should not. I do like your cunning plan...perhaps I will use it, only slightly modified *ponders, then starts to drool* Haldir dipped in chocolate and covered in whipped cream? Caramel- dipped Leggie? Only, we no like caramel...but still...that is tempting...By the By, have you considered reviewing un-signed? It makes it easier, just use your ID ^_~  
  
Lily: *jumps around waving, as she is sugar high form the twinkie and chocolate Teddy Grahms* Thankee so much! I luv ya to! ^_^ Yes, I'll stop Faramir from banging his head against trees...he can roll in the dirt instead.  
  
Once More, thanks to all my wonderful reviewers. Your what keeps this story going! That and my supply of sugar...andway, I hope everyone enjoys this! And please feel free to point out and spelling or grammar mistakes, mis- information, or anything of the like!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Eowyn and Sefera leaned against the trunk of a tree, lazily watching the group of men and elves as they acted like...a bunch of egomaniac males.  
  
That's how Sefera described it anyway, "A group of egotistical, horny males out to prove themselves to themselves. That way they can become legends, in their own narcissistic minds, even though everyone else hates them." It made sense to Sefera, but it confused the Valar out of Eowyn. Were men not born as legends in their own minds? Rather than try to work it out, the two had settled on a different activity...  
  
"Halbarad or Aragorn?" Sefera asked, tilting her head slightly.  
  
"Aragorn, most definitely," Eowyn replied, as of on impulse, a slight grin lighting her face as she compared the two.  
  
"Great taste, I agree whole-heartedly."  
  
Eowyn shifted slightly, "Elrond, or Denethor?"  
  
"Eowyn, that's gross!" Sefera whined.  
  
"I know it is. Still, which one?"  
  
"You can't be serious"  
  
"I'm very serious. Myself, I choose Denethor."  
  
Sefera shook her head. "Well, I choose Elrond. I don't want my man to die before me."  
  
Eowyn smiled, "Right, Sefera. It's your turn."  
  
"Okay...uh...Haldir or...Legolas?"  
  
Eowyn frowned, "That's a tough one..."  
  
Both girls jumped as a very non-feminine voice answered: "Haldir, for sure!" The same voice snickered "Don't jump," from somewhere above them.  
  
"What the Valar...Stupid elf!" snapped Eowyn, seizing a pinecone and hurling it at Haldir, who had perched himself on a branch over them. "How long have you been there?"  
  
Haldir laughed as he blocked the missile with his hand, "I came in around 'Elrond or Denethor.'" He grinned rather evilly, "Rumor has it Denethor is looking for a mistress."  
  
"Very funny," Eowyn made a face, "but I prefer younger men, thank-you- very-much."  
  
"Faramir then?" Haldir asked knowingly. "He knows you like him."  
  
"What? No he doesn't."  
  
Both Haldir and Sefera rolled their eyes. "Why do you think he blushes every time you come near him?" Haldir asked.  
  
"Well...I never thought about that," She glanced down at the ground. "Does he like me?"  
  
"It's debatable," Sefera replied. "I don't know why you're so interested in him, he's so skinny; well, at least, compared to most of the men here. Plus, he has no chest."  
  
"Unlike the great Boromir?" Eowyn scoffed, as Haldir slipped form his tree to re-join the group of males up the hill.  
  
"What are the girls up to?" asked Glorfindel as the Lothlórien elf slid down from a tree.  
  
"A Faramir versus Boromir debate." The group chuckled, as a grin touched Boromir's face, and a few of the men elbowed him good-naturedly. Faramir, however, started to blush.  
  
"What's the matter, Faramir," Éomer asked, "Don't like your little girl?"  
  
Faramir sighed, but did not reply. Boromir turned to his brother, "What say you, brother, should we prove which of us is better? Or rather, that I am the better."  
  
Faramir turned swiftly to face his brother, and arched an eyebrow. "Are you challenging me to a duel?" in the same moment Éomer turned, and called for the two girls to get over here.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Faramir and Boromir circled each other slowly, swords drawn, prepared to fight. Around them, either seated in the dirt or perched on a rock or a stump, their peers cheered them on.  
  
"You aren't going to win this," Boromir hissed to his brother, focusing on his torso for a hint of an attack.  
  
"I'm not going to lose, either," Faramir hissed back, his heart pounding adrenaline through his veins. "To first blood then?"  
  
"As always," Boromir replied, just before leaping towards him, as if to attack. Faramir swung his sword up and dove in to meet him blade for blade, only to curse himself, as his brother easily dodged the expected attack, and swung up to slash him. Faramir swung his sword down, sloppily blocking the attack.  
  
The elder quickly took his advantage, swiftly striking while Faramir scrambled to parry the sudden onslaught. 'I can't believe I fell for that,' Faramir thought to himself, jumping quickly out of the way of a particular heavy blow, 'He always feigns like that, and yet I never learn' Dodge, block, attack, dodge, block, dodge...it carried on for countless moments, all the while the surrounding elves and men cheering them on.  
  
"They're pretty serious about this," Sefera stated, flinching as the two brothers locked blades.  
  
"They always are," Éomer murmured, his eyes locked on the dueling men, as each tried to force the other to their knees.  
  
"You watch them often?"  
  
"I watch them. Sometimes I fight with them. They both have considerable skill with their blades." Éomer turned from the girl to yell, as Boromir forced Faramir closer to the ground. At the last second, just before he fell to his knees, Faramir dropped and rolled. A sharp rock greeted his back, stopping his roll, allowing him to narrowly avoid a stab from his brother, aimed for where he would have been if not for the rock.  
  
Not wasting a moment, Faramir rolled to his feet, and lunged in, nearly slashing his brother's arm. Boromir stumbled backwards, locking swords once more with his Faramir, trying to force him back, until Faramir jumped away, catching Boromir off guard. The elder man stumbled, trying to regain his balance, but Faramir slid his sword beneath his feet, sending him sprawling to the ground.  
  
Boromir felt the tip of a blade pressed against his back. "You lose, brother."  
  
The surrounding people cheered and clapped, as Boromir drug himself to his feet. "First time in three months, Faramir," He said with a grin. "You should be proud."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The loud gong sounded across the school, signaling the blissful start of lunch. The halls quickly filled with students, hungry from the lack of breakfast earlier that morning.  
  
Fiora slipped out of Elrond's office, the sound of a fiery argument between echoing behind her.  
  
"What did you do this time?" Aragorn asked, walking up next to her.  
  
"What do you mean?" she asked, a little to innocently.  
  
He sighed and shook his head. "Don't play innocent with me. You leave chaos in your wake."  
  
"Very poetic."  
  
"The twins and I were bored in Debate."  
  
Fiora giggled. "You're telling me that you, Elladan, and Elrohir had nothing better to do than think of ways to describe me?"  
  
"Well, you and most everyone else we know. We also-" Fiora didn't get to hear what else he had to say, as someone shoved her-hard-against the wall. Glancing around angrily, she caught sight of the likely culprit, who was walking next to a slightly startled Aragorn, asking him if he would go to a dance.  
  
"Excuse me!" Fiora snapped, walking up next to Arantha, "I was talking to him!"  
  
"Well you aren't now!" she snapped back, looping her arm around Aragorn's and trying to drag him off with her. She did not count on a hungry, tired, and generally pissed off she-elf yanking her backwards by her hair.  
  
"Hasn't anyone ever told you it's rude to interrupt other people's conversations?"  
  
Arantha wouldn't have it either. She leapt for the elf, and Fiora fell to the ground for the second time that day. Somebody yelled "Cat Fight," as the crowd of students gathered around to watch Arantha and Fiora claw, kick, and punch at each other, occasionally grabbing handfuls of hair or sinking there teeth into each other.  
  
Aragorn joined the crowd, cheering Fiora on. At one point, the both managed to stand up, but it wasn't for very long, after Fiora body-slammed Arantha into a wall. Aragorn had to admit: they could fight pretty well, for girls.  
  
For the students, the fight didn't last long enough, for a very miffed Sauron parted the crowd, and lifted the warring girls from the floor. Arantha struggled madly for a second, confused at the lack of solid surface beneath her. Fiora just hung there, arms crossed, looking like a highly offended rabid cat.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Adalea and Legolas slipped out of the choir room, thankful that they had only gotten a "talkin' to." Arwen was waiting right outside the door for them, or rather, Legolas.  
  
"Legolas, may I speak with you for a moment?"  
  
Legolas glanced hopefully at Adalea, clearly hoping she would get him out of it. Before she could say anything, Sefera came jogging down the hall, yelling "Adalea!" loudly. Arwen took the opportunity to drag Legolas off, while Sefera reached Adalea.  
  
"What is it?" Adalea demanded, casting a last glance after Legolas and Arwen.  
  
"Fiora's in Elrond office for fighting with Arantha."  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Aragorn sent me to get you. He's afraid she might try to kill Arantha when she gets out."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Fighting in the halls," Elrond repeated for the fifth time, his eyes trailing from one girl to the other. Both looked worse for wear, covered in scratches, bites, and rapidly forming bruises, and caked in drying blood. Both of their dresses, once nice, were now ripped, showing skin that was, in Elrond's opinion, better left covered.  
  
"Fighting in the halls..." He repeated again, trying to rub away a rapidly forming headache.  
  
"Yes, we've cleared that," Fiora snapped with irritation, glaring at Arantha, "Can we move along-"  
  
"SILENCE!" The half-elf snapped violently, glaring at both girls, "I will not suffer your insolence! Fighting in the halls, like a bunch of common alley cats! I mean, I expected as much from YOU, Fiora, but Arantha!" He gave the human a look; much like one a father would give a child who had been caught stealing.  
  
"It would please you to know then, Lord Elrond sir," Fiora stared in a sick ling-sweet voice, "that our lady Arantha started the fight."  
  
"I did not!"  
  
"You did so!"  
  
"Not!"  
  
"So!"  
  
"SILENCE!" Elrond sat down in his chair, breathing like a winded Oliphaunt. "I've had enough of your-"  
  
The door swung open at this time, and in walked none other than Erestor. Arantha's jaw just about hit the floor at the site of someone so handsome. Fiora stared, momentarily forgetting to be pissed.  
  
"Elrond, sir," he said, eyeing the two bedraggled girls, "Ereinion Gil-Galad has sent a messenger. He is going to arrive here tomorrow with his daughter, to see about enlisting her in this school."  
  
"Tomorrow?" Elrond repeated, feeling a strong urge to swallow a large bottle of pain medication. "Fiora, Arantha, you're excused. Erestor, what did the messenger say?"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Adalea, Aragorn, and Sefera were all waiting outside of Elrond's office for Arantha and Fiora. It didn't take long, for soon the two exited, Arantha first. Fiora quietly shut the door behind them, hissed "you're dead!" right as she lunged for the human.  
  
Instantly, Adalea and Sefera were on Fiora, holding her back as she struggled to reach the girl. Aragorn had placed himself between the two, hoping to prevent any more fighting. He really didn't want Fiora expelled.  
  
"You should learn to watch your temper," Arantha hissed, glaring at Fiora, "you might just end up dead somewhere."  
  
"And you should watch who you mess with," Fiora hissed back, "or you might end up with the Orcs in the fiery Chasms of Isengard."  
  
Arantha started to stalk off "Watch you back," she snarled, flipping her hair over her shoulder.  
  
"Stay off yours," Fiora growled, just loud enough for her adversary to hear, just as she rounded a corner.  
  
Adalea giggled, as she and Sefera released Fiora. "That was a good one."  
  
"Hey! Fiora! There you are!" a voice called, causing the group to turn, only to see a pink-faced hobbit come running up to them.  
  
"Hey Pippin!" Fiora smiled gently at the smaller one, "Have you been looking for me?"  
  
"Why yes, I have. Me and some of the other hobbits snuck some food from the lunch hall, and we wanted to know if you wanted to join us. Maybe even smoke a round."  
  
Sefera and Adalea exchanged glances at 'smoke a round' "Sure, I'd love to!" she replied, and took off with the hobbit, waving the other three a goodbye.  
  
"Smoke a round?" echoed Sefera, "I thought elves didn't smoke."  
  
"I suppose that's why we call her Lady Orc," Adalea replied, as the three started for the lunch hall.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Now, Go Fourth and review! Or ramble...or correct...or *waves hand* whatever. 


	13. History of Middle Earth

VladimirsAngel: Elf smut is good though! If everyone posted a bit of elf smut in his or her reviews...my review page would be very...full of elf smut! If you want a Haldir clone, I'm offering them at twenty signed reviews. The only problem is, they're dwarf size...the cloning machine is having problems...  
  
LilOne : Theodred! I knew I was forgetting someone!  
  
Davenport: Strip poker? You read my idea list! But not just with the girls, for Haldir and Legolas and some other boys will be there to. Which mean's I'm going to have to put up barbed wire fences and hire crocodiles to keep the fan girls at bay...  
  
alien_roach: Haldir, an ugly duckling!? Bah! He is not! *Grabs and hugs Haldir, who tries desperately to pry her off*  
  
Caning? Now that's a spicy meatball! Er...I mean a good idea...^_^;;  
  
You're right, Figwit/Malfanaion has dropped off of middle earth. Ohh Figwit, where are you? *skips off to find him*  
  
Anyway, I hope you like!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"I am so sick of that gong," Adalea muttered, as it sounded once more, signifying the end of lunch.  
  
"I didn't use to ring that much, did it?" Sefera grumbled, as she exited the lunchroom behind Adalea. "What do we have next?"  
  
"History of middle earth with Saruman."  
  
"You mean that baggy old wizard that can't decide is he wants white or multi-colored robes?"  
  
"That's him."  
  
The two joined the crowd heading towards the dorm rooms. "Meetcha there!" Sefera called, jogging of towards her own room, as Adalea waved and ducked into hers, only to run into Arwen.  
  
"Hello," Adalea started slowly, "If you're looking for Arantha, I think she went back to Elrond's office to-"  
  
"Oh I'm not looking for her," Arwen cut in, "I'm looking for you." Not waiting for a response from Adalea, the black-haired elf seized her by the wrist and dragged her into the room.  
  
'What did Legolas say to her?' Adalea wondered, as she retreated to her desk to gather her books. Aloud, she asked, "Well, we're here, what do you want?"  
  
Arwen smiled at the elf's back. "I suppose you haven't a date for the dance yet, have you?" ash inquired, already knowing the answer to the question.  
  
Adalea glanced up, "Why do you ask?"  
  
Arwen looked away, an air of feigned innocence about her. "Nothing, Adalea. I mean, it's not like I could get you a date with Erestor or anything."  
  
Adalea was temporarily floored.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Everyone turned to stare, as she came down the hall, bruises, and scratches on her face, with a black eye. Yet, her hair was combed, her make- up was applied wonderfully, and her dress was emerald green. No, this was not very stare-worthy. It was the fact this she was skipping that caused the staring...than and it was Fiora.  
  
Of course, saying everyone turned to stare wasn't saying much, as the hall way was filled mostly with friends or close acquaintances.  
  
"What's wrong with her?" Haldir muttered, shaking his head in disbelief.  
  
"She just spent a little time with us hobbits, that's all," the reply came from somewhere around his waste, where he found two hobbit lasses. Rosie, the one who spoke, added a wink.  
  
"And the dress?"  
  
The other hobbit, Diamond, replied, "She's very persuadable after she smokes."  
  
The group just stared as Fiora skipped by, grinning insanely. "She seems to be having fun," Haldir observed, "maybe I should try it sometime."  
  
Fiora, however, continued to skip down the halls, finding it very fun, all the while looking for someone. She found him, staring at her among a crowd of other elves from Rivendell.  
  
"Ah! Figwit! I've found ye at last!" she exclaimed to a startled Malfanaion, giggling insanely.  
  
"It's Malfanaion," he corrected automatically. "What's wrong with you?"  
  
Fiora just giggled, and seized his wrist. "Come with me!" she commanded, dragging him towards a classroom. A few of the other male elves let out whoops, thinking they were, perhaps, going in to have a bit of 'fun'.  
  
However, fun did not seem to be the plan. Fiora closed the door behind her, but did not draw the shades, allowing a cluster of viewers to watch, disappointedly, as all they did was talk. Porn in this school was getting extremely hard to come by.  
  
"When do you want me to get it?" Fiora demanded, sitting on a desk.  
  
Figwit blinked. "What?"  
  
"The diary, dimwit!"  
  
"It's Malfanaion! And I suppose next week, either after the Friday dance or Saturday party."  
  
"There's a dance on Friday?"  
  
"Yeah. Would you like to go with me?"  
  
Fiora started giggling again, but did not answer. "I'll get the diary on Sunday, I expect payment on delivery. Namaarie!"  
  
"Bye," Malfanaion replied half-heartedly, as Fiora skipped out of the room. Shaking his head, he asked himself "What in the Valar is she on?"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
History of Middle Earth was not fun, mainly because Saruman the white/multicolored (his robes were horizontally rainbow with vertical white streaks) has given them assigned seats.  
  
Adalea glanced around the room from her seat behind Arwen and some elf named Niphredil or something. A few seats behind her, in the last row, Legolas sat alone. Two rows across, Sefera was gossiping with Halbarad about something concerning swords. In the very middle of the room, Fiora sat; Next to Grima; who was scooting closer to her as she watched.  
  
"Poor Fiora," Adalea muttered to herself, as she watched Grima scoot closer and closer. Obviously not wanting to get that close to Mr. Wormtongue, Fiora scooted her chair away.  
  
"Hey, blondey, you Adalea," asked Theodred, one of the human boys sitting behind her.  
  
"Why do you want to know?" she replied, starting to turn in her seat.  
  
"Because the blonde elf prince in the back wants you to have this," he said, thrusting a folded piece of paper into her hand. Her eyes automatically followed the desks back to Legolas, who met her eyes and nodded.  
  
"What did he do now," she muttered to herself, turning around to read the letter.  
  
Adalea,  
  
Told Arwen that I needed more time to think about the dance. Can you please get me outta this? Maybe tell her you're going with me, like in the past? I really don't want to get expelled!  
  
Legolas  
  
Like in the past? More like nearly every dance or social gathering, formal or informal, whether the girl had asked him or had been set up with him; Adalea always had to get him out of it. What had he done for her in return?  
  
She closed her eyes, shaking away the memories, the reasons they had been sent to this school. It hurt too much. Calmly, she folded the note back up, and tossed it into the garbage can, earning her a glare from Saruman.  
  
The sound of a large book snapping shut jerked everyone, quite suddenly, from his or her daydreams, naps, or conversations.  
  
"Okay, class," Saruman said silkily, "Now, I want you to get into groups of three or four. You will compose a dialogue describing the origin of race of your choice, different from your own." He opened his mouth to say something else, but his eyes fell on something that clearly confused him. Heads swiveled to follow his gaze, and a few muffled giggles were heard.  
  
At the table Grima and Fiora were sharing, Grima had scooted all the way over to the very edge of the table, on Fiora's side. Fiora, in a mad effort to escape, had dragged her chair across the floor, to a table with two hobbits, Samwise Gamgee and Frodo Baggins. Grima, still desperate to attract her attention, was wagging his hairless-eyes brows at her and stroking his..."little Grima." Fiora and the hobbits looked rather green.  
  
Saruman cleared his throat, causing Grima to look up at him and, mercifully, stop touching himself. "As I was saying," the wizard continued with a slight frown, "Get into groups, and come up with the race you wish to do. I must confirm it before you continue, so be sure I get your group written down."  
  
The class erupted as people dodged around, trying to group up with people they wanted to be with. Arwen and Niphredil wandered off to work with two other girls from their 'group'. Sefera was instantly by Adalea's side, and the two watched Grima and Fiora play ring-around-the-rosy around the classroom, until she reached Sefera and Adalea.  
  
Grima smiled at the girls. "Can I be with-"  
  
"NO!" all three of them chorused, before sitting down to talk.  
  
Adalea didn't wait for the others to speak. "Did you two hear about the dance next Friday?"  
  
Fiora said "yes" very unenthusiastically, at the same time Sefera let out an excited "no!"  
  
"Arwen got me a date with Erestor!"  
  
Sefera and Fiora's jaws dropped. "You lucky little whore!" Fiora hissed, before she started to giggle.  
  
"How did you manage that?" Sefera demanded, staring at Adalea in disbelief. Whatever was said next was lost on Fiora, as she turned from her friends to watch the rest of the class. Legolas was glancing at Adalea occasionally, Grima was sulking in the corner with his group, and Saruman was digging through his desk.  
  
"I wonder if he's figured out he's missing some of his books yet," the redhead mused to herself, before giggling quietly. The quiet giggle turned into all out laughter, as Grima tried to grab Arwen, and earned a slap, then to be kicked in the knees, and falling back onto Theodred's lap. The son of Theoden was not pleased, and preceded to grant Grima a black eye.  
  
Sefera and Adalea stared at their laughing friend, who had buried her head in her arms on the table. "I she going to be alright?" Sefera asked, worried.  
  
"I don't think she was alright to begin with," Adalea responded, shaking her head in mock disgust.  
  
"So, girls, what do you plan on doing for your dialogue?" Sefera and Adalea spun around, while Fiora's head shot up from the desk. Saruman stood there before the girls, smiling rather evilly.  
  
"That is, assuming you have come up with an idea for the dialogue, since you three are off task."  
  
"Uh.idea.for the dialoged?" Adalea clarified, glancing at Sefera and Fiora for help.  
  
"Uh.our idea..." Sefera bit her lip, trying to think of something.  
  
Saruman tapped the desk with his fingers impatiently. "Yes, your idea for the dialogue. You had better have one, or you'll have a detention."  
  
"Uh.well, we have an idea." Sefera started, glancing at Fiora. She didn't seem to be registering the conversation.  
  
"Yeah.. we want to do the origin of...uh" Adalea continued,  
  
"Hobbits!" Saruman arched an eyebrow at Sefera's choice.  
  
"Yeah," Fiora added in, coming out her trance, "sitting in a circle, smoking and drinking..." her eyes glazed over as she trailed off again. Sefera and Adalea exchanged glances, both wondering what the hobbits had given their friend.  
  
"I like it." Saruman beamed at them, as he wrote 'Sefera, Adalea, Fiora- hobbit' down on a piece of paper. "Of course, this will be distinctly difficult, as the exact origin of hobbits is entirely unknown. Of course, you knew that, as I said it in class." Grinning evilly to himself, he wondered off to molest another group.  
  
Sefera's head hit the table with a loud 'thunk', as she started swearing her native tongue.  
  
"Hobbits, Sefera?" Adalea pestered, glancing at her friend.  
  
"What?" she lifted her head up, "They're cute..."  
  
"They're excessively hairy!"  
  
"Well, maybe I like hairy men!" she replied, sounding unconvinced.  
  
"Then Saruman's your type," Fiora said suddenly, gazing on a table in the center of the room. Saruman stood there, on a table, trying to re-light a hanging lamp. Thus, his robes were left dangling a few inches above his ankles, revealing some obscenely hairy legs.  
  
"Ew! Fiora, that's not funny!" Sefera snapped, as Adalea stood up.  
  
"Come on," she said, "Lets go see if we can find anything on the bookshelf." She motioned to the bookcase near the back of the room, where Halbarad, Orophin, and Legolas were supposedly working.  
  
"I don't think Erestor is gay, though," argued Halbarad, as the girls approached.  
  
"A male elf that is that...attractive...and still single, has got to be gay." Legolas said, as the girls approached.  
  
"That's is actually very good logic," agreed Orophin.  
  
"Yes, but by that very same logic," Adalea started, "could be used to prove that you, Legolas, are indeed gay."  
  
Legolas opened and closed his mouth a few times, while everyone else laughed at him.  
  
"Legolas!" Saruman's voice silenced their laughter quickly, "Come over here and light this damn lamp for me!"  
  
"And give me a nice kiss while you're at it!" mocked Orophin in a Saruman- like voice, ducking a blow from Legolas, as he marched obediently over to light the lamp.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Now, go fourth and review! Or maybe natter on about elf smut. Whatever you prefer. 


	14. New Girl

Special Thanks to bjam/Bethany, my beloved Gimli-lovin' Beta! She was kind enough to offer to beta for me! *hands her chocolate covered Gimli*  
  
Wow, I just realized that a lot of the Lust Objects end up covered in chocolate...strange, huh? *shrug*  
  
Anyway, sorry for the wait, I was busy, unfortunately, with stuff and stuff. Damn, nice dresses are really expensive! Of course, when I went to post this, I got a message saying "Please come back in a few hours." Hours!?! Bah! *Kicks ff.net*  
  
Anyway, I have a long list of reviewers to reply to. Never realized how many I had...Thanks everyone! *Hands out chocolate covered lust objects, save Gimli, who is officially reserved for The Great Beta* ^_^  
  
Oh, and I to add to the disclaimer in chapter 1, I don't own Gaelwyn, Lily does. I don't own Lirawen, Dove6987 does. Everything/one else is either Tolkien's or mine. You decide which is which.  
  
I hope that's everything...  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Estelgirl: Hello! Welcome to the Boarding school Review Board! Yeah, I suppose parts of this are similar to Harry Potter...but the "Bloody Brilliant" was in a response to a review. Anyway, Glad you like it! ^_^  
  
Zoya: Oops, he he, sorry, didn't mean to make your sides hurt. And yes, Legolas just might be gay...*Grins evilly as said elf backs away. *  
  
Zelda123: My guess is because he is so damn fine, but still single.  
  
Mealz: I've been seriously considering it. After I get through the Legolas/Arwen drama, I think The two will wind up together. I'm not 100% sure yet, but hey.  
  
VladimirsAngel: Yes, the strip poker...I'm sure Astartes will enjoy it very much ^_~.  
  
Isilwen-Telpefion: A balrog? I'll talk to Sauron about it, I'm sure he'll jump at the idea! I think mayhap a Shelob will come as well. And thanks for all the Ideas! Like, MAJOR thanks! With chocolate covered Orophin and everything!  
  
I e-mail you at your Alien Roach e-mail; did you get it? Just so you know, I don't have Yahoo or MSN, just AIM. E-mail works great to! Love e-mail! And Aim Messages! ^_^  
  
Dove6987: My cat gives me funny looks all the time...Anyway, your baby cakes makes another appearance. So do you! ^_^  
  
miranda flairgold: No, not really. Most of them are rich snobs or notorious trouble makers...or both. Legolas/Erestor? *evil grin, as both elves back away* Ohh, thanks for the idea's! hehe, love 'em...*Elrond scowls*  
  
Lady Idril: Hey, welcome over! Yeah, I recognize you, as I do a few of Aiwendel's reviewers. Thanks for wandering over here, and glad you like it! ^_^  
  
Red Pirate: ooh, I'm glad you like! *hurries the heck up* ^_~  
  
Misty T: Haven't given up, just searching for a good pair and a good place to insert them. That sounded wrong...  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The rest of the day went by quickly, and before the students realized it, they were waking up to the repeated banging of the gong. Groaning, Theodred rolled from his bed, and landed with a thump on the floor.  
  
"How graceful," murmured Faramir from his own bed, opening one lazy eye. Theodred simply groaned again in reply, as he yanked down a blanket to cover his naked torso.  
  
"I wish someone would get rid of that stupid gong," whined Éomer, trying to block out the sound with a pillow.  
  
"You're the one who hangs out with the troublemakers, so why don't you steal it?"  
  
"Don't even think it," Theodred called from the floor. "I'd rather wake to a gong than that Eru-awful Orc noise."  
  
Faramir shuttered. "Good point," he commented, sliding from his bed to search for a shirt, but was interrupted as a blonde girl flew into their room.  
  
"What the..." started Éomer from his bed, just as another girl, ran in, shoving the first facedown onto Theodred, who still lay onto the floor.  
  
The two lay there, on the floor, faces nearly touching, before the girl jumped up, beat red. "Sefera," she hissed, "Watch where you're going next time!"  
  
"Shut up, Lirawen!" the girl hissed in response, ear pressed against the door, listening. After a moment, she turned from the door, and looked around. "Faramir," she smiled innocently, "you have a really nice body."  
  
Faramir rolled his eyes, and pulled on a shirt, as Theodred, still slightly red from having a girl atop him, eyed the two suspiciously. "What have you two been doing, running around the school so early in the morning?"  
  
"Nothing!" snapped Sefera, cutting off Lirawen as she opened her mouth. "And now we must be off! Come on Lirawen, you can fall for Theoden's boy some other time!"  
  
Blushing profusely, the blonde allowed herself to be dragged out by her friend, while the three guys just stared.  
  
"That was queer," concluded Éomer, shaking his head.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The students quickly gathered in the breakfast hall, eager to finish their first meal in hopes of socializing before class. Elrond watched them congregate, listened to their ruckus grow, as he sat at the teachers table, chewing lightly on a piece of lembas.  
  
"When did we get so many of them?" Erestor asked, blanching slightly as the amount of girls that had cast their gazes to him.  
  
Elrond shook his head, "I do not remember enrolling so many. Believe they may be multiplying..."  
  
Erestor shook his head, as Elrond stood up, and cleared his throat. A scant few of the student's eyes turned to face him, and the noise level seemed to deliberately grow.  
  
"Silence!" he yelled, but to no avail, as the students continued to ignore him.  
  
Erestor, and the majority of the staff, plugged their ears, as Elrond drew in a breath. "SILENCE!" He bellowed, his voice echoing off the walls, causing ears to ring. "Thank you," he said in a feigned pleasant voice, as eyes turned to glare. "I would like to introduce a new student, and a new member of our staff."  
  
As if on some sort of cue, two elves walked out. The younger one, a female with long, honey-brown hair, wearing cut off shorts and a men's flannel shirt, halfway unbuttoned so exposing just a little part of her chest, a clear violation of the dress code.  
  
Various males let out whoops as the girl strode out, and Malfanaion stood and yelled "Still Sexy, Gaelwyn!" he yelled, as 'Gaelwyn' seemed to ignore him and everyone, coming to a stop in front of Elrond's seat, and staring out at the student mass.  
  
The other, a male with black hair, wearing black and gray similar to Elrond's own red and gold ones, looked to be the girl's father, and sent glares in the general direction of anyone who made a noise, standing protectively next to his daughter.  
  
"This is Gaelwyn, daughter of Ereinion," Elrond explained, "She will join you in classes today, and will be sharing a room with Fiora of Lothlórien."  
  
"And this," he added, motioning towards the male, "is Ereinion Gil- Galad. He will be assisting in Health, History of Elves, and Debate. Students are reminded to treat him with the utmost respect."  
  
Elrond sat down, signifying the end of the announcements, and everyone quickly turned back to their meals. Gil-Galad quickly took a seat next to Elrond, leaving Gaelwyn to find a seat.  
  
Malfanaion stood up, and started waving for her to join him at his table.  
  
"I take it you know her?" Fiora inquired lazily. "What kind of elf is she?"  
  
"Your kind," he replied, as Gaelwyn sat down next to him. "Hello, Gaelwyn!"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Health was first on Gaelwyn's schedule, unfortunately. She quietly took a seat at an empty table, the sort that seat five people in the back of the room, expecting to sit through the entire class alone.  
  
She was mistaken, though, as a group of girls quickly sat around her. She recognized two from them from earlier that morning, Adalea and Fiora. Soon, she was introduced to the other two, both humans, Sefera and Eowyn.  
  
"I feel so sorry for you," Adalea was saying, "First day in school, and you have health with your father and Elrond-o"  
  
"Yeah, you're very unfortunate. We got Erestor on our first day," added Fiora, as she and Adalea made puppy-dog eyes, while Sefera and Eowyn rolled their eyes.  
  
"Erestor? You mean Elrond's adviser?" Gaelwyn asked.  
  
"Yeah, the extremely handsome elf," Adalea beamed.  
  
"Yes, he is extremely handsome," agreed Gaelwyn, "but I heard he was...well, gay."  
  
Adalea blinked. "That's what we've been trying to tell you," snapped Sefera.  
  
"Well, he's not!" Adalea snapped. "He's taking me to a dance on Friday!"  
  
A silence settled over the table for a minute. "That's right." Fiora grinned, "Maybe he's bi-sexual then!"  
  
Adalea leaned over quickly, and punched her, hard. "Hey! Ow!" yelped Fiora, sticking out her tongue. "What's wrong with him being bi?"  
  
Adalea glared, "Just shut-up."  
  
"I mean, just think, you and Erestor, and Lego-Ow!"  
  
"I told you to shut up!" Adalea snapped, hitting the elf again.  
  
"What, no Legolas? What about Grima or Elrond?" Adalea punched Fiora again, much harder.  
  
"Uh...is this normal behavior from them?" Gaelwyn asked, as Fiora continued to list off potential guys and attempt to block Adalea's blows.  
  
"If it's not Fiora and Adalea, its Fiora and Sefera," Eowyn replied. "If you want me to, I can show you around the grounds during lunch. Introduce you to everyone."  
  
"Everyone being the people we associate with," added Sefera.  
  
"Thank you," Gaelwyn grinned.  
"Class! Class! Settle down!" roared Elrond, causing an unnatural silence to settle upon the room. "Welcome to Health," he continued calmly, "We will begin to day by taking a test."  
  
A collective groan rose up from the class, as Gil-Galad and Elrond passed out the tests, "This isn't part of your grade, it's merely to see what everyone knows. You may being now."  
  
"I hate this class already," Gaelwyn muttered, as her father handed her the test, and gave her an affectionate pat on the shoulder.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
I'll try to get the next chapter up soon! Also, everyone's welcome to e- mail me or AIM me, both contacts are on my Bio. Now, go fourth and review! Or, you know, natter on about elf smut...or human smut...or dwarf smut...or hobbit smut...  
  
Love and Insanity,  
  
Fiora_da_insane 


	15. Stuff is going

Thanks to Bethany for Beta-ing, Lily for offering some beta-ing, and for getting me to work on this, and all my reviewers, for caring!  
  
I would like to announce, with much pride, I am not the proud mother of my very own Mini-Balrog, Llothlorien!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Gaelwyn, Adalea, and Fiora limped out of the Arts & Media room together, covered in paints of various colors. Behind them, Peter Jackson waved, also covered in paint. "Next time, we'll actually paint on canvases!" he yelled, before turning back to his room.  
  
Fiora giggled, and elbowed Gaelwyn in the side. "Having a fun first day yet?"  
  
"I've been yelled at for my clothes, had random strangers tell me I was dead-sexy, taken a health test covering everything from hemorrhoids to pregnancy, and had a gallon of paint dumped down my shirt, marking my boobs blue for a least a week. This day is just fan-fucking-tastic!" Fiora laughed. "Which way to our room?"  
  
"Just follow Fiora, she'll take you there," Adalea answered, "I'm going to go see if I can turn my hair blond again." That said Adalea marched off to her own room, her green/pink/red/black/purple hair flowing stiffly behind her.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Knock. Knock. Knock.  
  
"I'm coming, I'm coming."  
  
Knock. Knock. Knock.  
  
"Lemme get my shoes on!" Fiora yelled, leaping one foot towards the door.  
  
Knock. Knock. "Ow!"  
  
"Sorry," Eowyn blushed, removing her fist from the elf's forehead, "Is Gaelwyn ready yet?"  
  
"No, I think she's still got blue boobs, lemme check." Fiora closed the door, leaving a slightly confused Eowyn standing there.  
  
"Blue boobs?" she repeated to herself, shaking her head.  
  
The door opened a few seconds later. "She'll be out in a second," explained Fiora, "She just needs to get the last bit of blue out from underneath them. Why don't you come in until then?" She moved out of the way of the door, allowing the human to enter.  
  
Eowyn was startled slightly at the sight of the room. She had never been in Fiora's room before, being more of Sefera's friend than the elf's. The beds were pushed into the far corners of the room, with thick deep red curtains surrounding them. The rest of the room was filled with tables, couches, and chairs, along with a small bookcase, a few mirrors, and a small fridge.  
  
"Wow, this place looks like a..."  
  
"Small shack used for living, rather than a school's dorm room." Fiora finished, "Still needs some work, but we'll get it done."  
  
"We?"  
  
"Right now, it's Me, Adalea, Sefera, Haldir, Orophin, Rúmil, Legolas, Aragorn, some other humans, and Thuringwethil."  
  
"Thuringwethil?" repeated Eowyn, furrowing her brow slightly.  
  
"The freaky girl with the bat wings and tail."  
  
"Oh, the one with the skimpy black clothes and pale skin?"  
  
"Sauron's pet. Pets of any teacher are dead useful in schemes to take over schools."  
  
"Taking over? Do I want to know?"  
  
"Depends; do you want to know about Elrond's sex life?"  
  
"What does that have to do...no, never mind, forget it was ever brought up."  
  
"There's a good girl," Fiora grinned, patting Eowyn on the head, "Now, if you don't mind, I have to prepare." The redhead promptly skipped out the door, slamming it shut behind her.  
  
"She really scares me sometimes," Eowyn said to herself. "Gaelwyn, are you ready yet?"  
  
"I'm coming!" the elf snapped, exiting the bathroom. "I heard Fiora telling you about my dilemma."  
  
"Yes, she did. I'd ask what happened, but as it seems she was involved, I really don't want to know."  
  
"It's got nothing to do with Elrond's sex life," Gaelwyn explained, as the two exited the room.  
  
"Well, just for the sake of my sanity, don't say anything," Eowyn shuddered at the thought of Elrond and sex, leading the way down the hall.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Adalea, we need to talk."  
  
The blonde elf turned abruptly from her friend, Sefera. "What about, Legolas?" she replied motioning for her friend to leave.  
  
"About you and your attitude of late."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" she frowned gently at her lifetime friend, wondering what may have brought on such a serious tone.  
  
"Calling me gay; ignoring me when I asked for help; practically leaving me with stuck with Arwen as a date for the dance!" no denying it, he was pissed.  
  
"Well sorry, Prince Legolas, I wasn't aware my life revolved around you!"  
  
"No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying, as my friend, you have an obligation to -"  
  
"Do everything I can to help you, even though you don't do the same for me? Tell me, Legolas, where were you when my father sent me away to Lothlórien? Off with some pretty girl no doubt!" if he wanted to get angry, fine. Adalea could do that too. Only she had more to yell about.  
  
"Adalea, I told you, I couldn't do anything about that! I'm a Prince, not a King!"  
  
"Maybe, but you didn't even say anything about it! You weren't even there!"  
  
"That's in the past now!" people were staring as they passed, and Legolas felt like he needed to end the argument-now. "I don't see why it's bothering you, everything is fine-"  
  
"No, it's not fine, Legolas! Do you think that after five years of living in Lothlórien, after being moved there abruptly, and having to start my life over, with no friends, it's all right? Well, it's not!"  
  
"Fiora's your friend."  
  
"You don't get it, do you? We did it, Legolas; we did it together! And who was blamed? Who was punished? Who was asked to leave Mirkwood? Me! I took the blame, I was punished, and I had to leave. You did it too, Legolas, but did you say anything?"  
  
"I couldn't say anything, I'm a Prince! My reputation-"  
  
"Screw your reputation! If it's so damned important to you, then maybe you SHOULD go to the dance with Arwen!"  
  
"Adalea, that's not what I meant!"  
  
"That's exactly what you meant! Deal with your problems yourself, prince!" she snapped, and turned to storm off. A few students scampered out of her way. Legolas stood there, staring after her.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Aragorn, Boromir, Éomer, Faramir, Halbarad, and Mablung sat in a circle of logs outside, eating lunch and discussing...well, whatever guys discuss when they eat lunch in a circle outside. That is, they were discussing guy stuff, until Halbarad spotted someone coming.  
  
"Captain Faramir," he said, motioning towards the two that approached, "two girls are heading this way. Eowyn and the new elf."  
  
"What? You're kidding!" he hissed, arching his neck to see. "Valar help me."  
  
"I don't think they've seen you yet," Mablung pointed out. "Go into the forest!"  
  
Faramir nodded, springing from his log with his lunch to hide. Aragorn smiled gently. "I feel for him. I have to avoid Arantha at every corner to avoid going to the dance with her."  
  
"At least you both know she'll just be using you," Boromir pointed out, "poor Faramir has a girl who really likes him."  
  
"And whom he wants nothing to do with," Added Halbarad, before turning to wave at the two girls.  
  
"Where's Faramir?" Eowyn asked upon arrival, looking from one boy to the next, as is expecting one of them to turn into Faramir.  
  
"I don't know where he went, sister," Éomer said, his eyes on the elf-girl, "but why don't you introduce us to your friend here?"  
  
Gaelwyn reddened slightly as all eyes turned to her. "Oh," Eowyn smiled gently, "This is Gaelwyn. Gaelwyn, this is Aragorn, Boromir, Éomer, Faramir, Halbarad, and...er.Mud lung?"  
  
"Mablung," he corrected, giving her a dark look. "Mablung of Gondor, my lady Gaelwyn." He smiled flirtatiously at the elf. "And where, may I ask, are you from?"  
  
"Um...I'm originally from Lindon, but as it was destroyed in the second age..."  
  
"She's from Rivendell," Eowyn cut in, looking around for some sign of Faramir.  
  
"I have not seen you there before," Aragorn furrowed his brow, "have you lived there long?"  
  
"I...uh...who's that in the forest?" Gaelwyn abruptly changed the subject, as she caught sigh of someone moving in the forest.  
  
"Huh? Oh, Faramir! Come on, Gaelwyn!" Eowyn grabbed the elf's arm, and literally dragged her over to the human, leaving the group of chuckling men behind.  
  
"Uh, hey Eowyn..." Faramir's face reddened, "I was just going over to finish lunch with-"  
  
"Faramir, I'd like you to meet my friend, Gaelwyn!" Eowyn forcefully pushed the elf in front of her.  
  
"Er...hello." the elf muttered.  
  
"Hi..."Faramir muttered back shyly. He raised his eyes to meet hers and, for a brief second, they locked, neither one looking away. Gaelwyn felt her cheeks grow hot, as Faramir's turned red.  
  
"Oh.uh, sorry, I'm being rude," Gaelwyn blushed a bit more, and without breaking from his gaze, offered him her hand. "I'm Gaelwyn, daughter of Ereinion Gil-Galad."  
  
"Oh, I'm Faramir, son of Denethor, the Steward of Gondor." He took her hand in his, and shook it, but didn't let go. Eowyn frowned, glancing from one to the other. What was going on?  
  
"Hey! Gaelwyn!" Their eye contact broke, as Mablung ran up to them, "Come on, I have to show you something!"  
  
"Huh? Uh.sure," she muttered in response, before following after.  
  
Eowyn turned to Faramir, a smile on her face, ready to ask him to the dance, but he did not seem to realize she was there. "What a woman..." he whispered, as Gaelwyn cast him a backwards glance and waved.  
  
Eowyn's jaw dropped, and for a moment, all she did was stare at him. Then turning on heel with an audible "Humph," she marched away, leaving Faramir to wonder if he had done something wrong.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Gaelwyn sighed as she marched along behind Mablung, thinking about the boy she had just met. "Faramir," she whispered, quietly enough so that the human couldn't hear. Shaking her head, she glanced up at human's back. "Where are you taking me?"  
  
"You'll see when we get there!" he exclaimed, a little too cheerfully. Gaelwyn didn't like this.  
  
"I would like a bit more of an explanation, please." She growled, stopping dead in her tracks.  
  
Mablung turned around to face her, a bit of a grin on his face. "It's nowhere we shouldn't be, my lady, if that is what you were thinking."  
  
"That's not what I was thinking...it's just..."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well...I wanna go back to him." She cast her gaze back the way they had come, hoping to catch a glance of 'him'.  
  
Mablung's grin was quickly replaced with a frown. Staring at the elf, he opened his mouth to say something, but whatever he was going to say, he didn't get a chance to finish, because two elves dropped from the trees.  
  
The first, an elf with white hair and pale skin, swung down and kicked him in the stomach, sending the startled ranger down onto his back. The second one was quick to follow, landing with a leg on either side of him, and a knife held to his throat. "You don't move, and we won't hurt you."  
  
Mablung went limp, as the elf standing over him began to tie him up. "I was just bringing the lady over to show her-" he tried to explain.  
  
"Nobody is allowed over here unless they are given permission by the party administers," the she snapped back, wrapping a handkerchief around his mouth.  
  
"Don't worry, new girl" the white haired one smiled sweetly, "You're new, so we won't do that to you. I mean, unless you wander over here again, after being warned, in which we WILL have to do that to you, UNLESS you have written permission from one of the admindi.amdini. "  
  
"Administers?" the other suggested  
  
"Bite me, Astartes!" she snapped, before turning back to Gaelwyn, "Now, where was I?"  
  
"Just drop it, Isilwen, you're scaring the poor girl."  
  
"But that's our job! Scare everyone away, so they don't try to sneak in and peek in at the preparations!"  
  
Gaelwyn blinked, completely lost. "Well, if you don't mind, I'll be going now," she said with a forced smile, turning to leave.  
  
"Wait!" Astartes yanked Mablung to his feet, and offered Gaelwyn a rope tied to his hands. "Take dear Mabby with you."  
  
"But I wanted to teleport him to the school with my magic!" Isilwen protested.  
  
"You blew up that keg of ale with your magic."  
  
"But...but, that was different!"  
  
Gaelwyn didn't hear another word the two said, as she lead 'Mabby' off in the direction they had come from, hoping to meet Faramir again.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Off to go do stuff; please review (it makes me work faster).  
  
Love, Insanity, and Flaming Whips,  
  
Fiora-da-Insane & Llothlorien 


	16. Alive and Kickin'

Guest written by Isilwen  
  
All Lord of the Rings Characters, Trademarks, and Logos belong to their respectful owners.  
  
*****  
  
The snoring had begun. It vibrated the bunk, traveled down its sturdy timber legs to the floor, and shook that too.   
  
Isilwen moaned and rolled over, but she promptly remembered she was on the top bunk when she fell three feet and landed on her backside on the hard wooden floor. "Valar! That hurts!" she shrieked and getting gingerly to her feet went to deal with the source of the snoring.   
  
"THURINGWETHIL!!! For Manwë's sake will you put a sock in it!" Isilwen snapped aiming a punch at the slumbering beast.  
  
"Huh? What...Lemme lone!" Thuringwethil moaned struggling sleepily into a sitting position.   
  
"Has anyone ever told you that you snore like an oliphant?" Isilwen greeted her roommate with a wry grin. Thuringwethil shot her a poisonous look and started to get dressed, while Isilwen examined her rack of clothes critically.   
  
"Hmmm....too long.... too matronly.... ugh! Too shiny!" she said, wrinkling her nose up in disgust at the offending garment.   
  
"I've got an idea. Why don't you just skip dressing? After all most of the school has seen your body anyway. You might as well give them the full view" Thuringwethil muttered cattily.   
  
Isilwen turned back to glare at her "Right...coming from the girl who believes underwear constitutes an acceptable outfit" she snapped back.   
  
"Have you ever tried to dress with a tail?" Thuringwethil protested squeezing her ample chest into a small black ragged top that her midriff hung out of, "Besides I have the figure for it. Not my fault all elves are flat-chested," she quickly ducked as a rather pointy piece of footwear winged its way towards her.  
  
*****  
  
Elrond sighed impatiently and tapped his long, and ever so carefully manicured, nails on his desk as he regarded the pale-haired elf sitting before of him with growing irritance.   
  
"Tell me Miss Telpefion, please, why exactly you found it neccessary to disrupt the whole school last night?" he spoke at last tone matching the supremely aggravated expression he wore on his face   
  
"Eh?" the elf in question responded, a silly, and still slightly tipsy, grin plastered on her face   
  
"You know perfectly well of which I speak, daughter of Olwe. I speak of your persistance in standing outside my window at Three-AM yelling 'Rapunzel rapunzel let down your long hair'..." Elrond began sharply, as Isilwen started to giggle. "Oh I can assure it is not amusing. Not only did you disturb my sleep but you then proceeded to parade yourself up and down the corridor outside Galadriel's room singing 'Ding Dong the witch is dead'. She is most upset. But those immaturities aside you are also accused of something far more serious. Do you know what that was??!" Elrond growled raising himself from his seat to try and intimidate the elf before him. I didn't work. Isilwen merely regarded him with a bored defiant look.   
  
"Thrill me".   
  
Elrond had had enough. Daughter of a High Lord or no he wouldn't take this nonsense any longer   
  
"You are accused Isilwen Telpefion of stealing a ring of power. Not only is theft against the school rules, but theft of a ring of power is the most supreme sacrilege there is!" He thundered slamming his fist so hard against his desk he broke a nail. Sucking his thumb and trying to maintain a menacing air he watched the she-devil in guise of an elf before him hoping beyond hope that his words might actually have changed her.   
  
'Right Elrond' he said to himself, 'and wargs might fly  
  
*****  
  
Later that day  
  
*****  
  
Hot, humid, and smelly. That was a very accurate description of the greenhouse used for Herbology, filled with plants of various species, and sweating elves.   
  
In the center of the perpetual sweathouse, a small circle had formed. Adalea, Astartes, Haldir, Fiora, Isilwen, Legolas, Orophin, and five other elves stood there, eyeing each other with grins.  
  
"What are they doing?" Arwen asked Gaelwyn from their seats on a table.  
  
"Apparently playing Tithen tumpo..."   
  
"What in the Valar is that?"  
  
"You'll see..."  
  
"I'm not sure I want to..."  
  
It seemed to start, as Fiora hissed, ever so quietly: "Tithen tumpo!"  
  
The elf next to her repeated her, only slightly louder: "Tithen tumpo!" and Haldir next to him, once again slightly louder: "Tithen tumpo!"  
  
"Tithen tumpo!" Legolas hissed, biting his lip to keep from laughing.  
  
"Tithen tumpo!" Orophin's shoulders shook with held-in laughter  
  
"Tithen tumpo!" Isilwen replied, biting her lip to keep from laughing.  
  
And so it went, each elf in the circle saying "Tithen tumpo!" louder and louder until it reached screaming point.   
  
"Tithen tumpo!" Fiora shouted, as snickers erupted from the room.  
  
"Tithen..." the elf next to her nearly fell to the floor with laughter, as he stepped back, the rest moving in to fill the gap.  
  
"Tithen tumpo!" Haldir screamed, a bit of spittle flying from his lips. Astartes burst out giggling, and stepped out.  
  
"They are so dead if the teacher walks in," Arwen pointed out, as Orophin and Isilwen leaned against each other laughing.   
  
"Only if he speaks elvish," Gaelwyn replied, as Orophin ducked out of the way of Isilwen's fist, both still laughing. "I mean, not everyone knows what tithen tumpo means." Adalea stepped out of the circle, and it closed in again, leaving four elves: Haldir, Legolas, Fiora, and Rúmil.   
  
"Tithen tumpo!" Fiora screamed with a jump. Haldir stepped backwards, giggling, and the circle closed in again.  
  
"Tithen tumpo!" Legolas yelled and jumped. "Tithen tumpo!" Rúmil responded, also jumping, then Fiora, then Legolas, then Rúmil, Then Fiora, Then Legolas who had to step out, laughing.   
  
"And we're down to two players!" Adalea announced, as she and Legolas exchanged dark glares.  
  
"Tithen tumpo!" "Tithen tumpo!" "Tithen tumpo!" Fiora and Rúmil screamed into each other's face, jumping as high as they could, and occasionally flailing their arms.  
  
"Five on Fiora…" "Ten on Rúmil..." whispered bets could be heard around the Greenhouse, as the two continued to scream.  
  
"Tithen tumpo!" "Tithen tumpo!" " Tithen tumpo!"   
  
"Man, you can sure jump high!" Fiora and Rúmil jumped about ten feet away from each other as the greenhouse door squeaked open, both thinking the exact same thing: busted.  
  
"Man, that is like…cool man, yellin' that loud." Two very tall men stood in the doorway, wearing sunglasses and baggy 70's-style clothes.  
  
"Man, I wished I could yell that loud man."  
  
"Man, me too, man."  
  
Various giggled were heard, as Arwen leaned in closer to Gaelwyn. "Are those dwarves?" she asked, torn between amusement and bewilderment.  
  
"I don't think dwarves get that tall. Humans maybe?"  
  
"No, they don't get that hairy," she pointed out, and one of them scratched what one could assume was his face, as it was covered in a mangy tangled mess of hair.  
  
"Man, are we in the right place man?" one of the tall-hairy-dwarf-men asked.  
  
"I dunno, man." He turned to Isilwen. "Hey man, are we in, like, the greenhouse man?  
  
She wrinkled her nose at his stench. "I am not a 'man'," she growled, "and yes, you are in the greenhouse"  
  
"Alright, thanks man." He grinned, and turned to slap the other on the shoulder. "Yeah, man, we're in the greenhouse man."  
  
"Alright, man, these must be our students, man."  
  
"Yeah, man, I think you're right."  
  
The was an momentary silence, in which the elves ogled their supposed teachers, before both of them simultaneously exclaimed "Cool!"  
  
Haldir grinned. "Friends of yours, Fiora?" He asked jokingly, as the two teachers proceeded to drag in a wagon filled with some obscure plant.  
  
"No, but I think we will be," the red-head replied with a grin, "That stuff looks better than and of the Old Toby's I've ever seen!"  
  
*****  
  
That Evening of the same day  
  
*****  
  
"Are you sure you want me to keep track of this?" Gaelwyn asked, going over the list again, "I mean, I don't know everyone and..."  
  
"Ask Sefera if you don't know. It's easy, just ask them for their names, and if they aren't on the list, tell them to leave."  
  
"And if they don't..."  
  
"Tell Gaur to attack them."  
  
"Right, okay, but what if-"  
  
"Ask Adalea! She'll help, I'm sure. I have to go find Haldir and pick up the foodstuff."  
  
Gaelwyn bit her lip, and looked down at the guest list. "Bye," she waved, as Fiora slid out of the room. "Well, at least I know who Faramir is…"  
  
Turning, she walked over towards her dresser, pausing to pet "Gaur" on the head. "Pet dog my bum," she whispered, "You have to be half Warg at least."  
  
Gaur let out a low growl in response, and jumped up on Fiora's bed. "I hope she doesn't mind you on her bed," Gaelwyn muttered, shifting through her clothes to find something for the mini-party (and for Faramir). This was going to be a fun night...  
  
*****  
  
"Ah, my pet," Sauron whispered, running his long armored claws across her head affectionately. "You'll catch those little students, won't you? And make them suffer, won't you my darling?"  
  
Grima frowned, "How disturbing," he thought, as the dark lord continued to croon and pet Shelob. "Er...Sauron, sir? What do you want me to do?" the human asked, taking a step back.   
  
"Take that to Elrond." He replied, motioning towards a sealed letter on his desk. "Whose daddy's good girl? Whose is? You is, yes you is!" Grima snatched the letter up and slowly backed out of the office, while Sauron continued to coddle his over-grown spider.  
  
"Never again...will I get detention," Grima promised himself, as she took off running back towards the school. Visions of that spider we're going to haunt his dreams for the next month.  
  
*****  
  
Yes, yes, It's been a Gawd-aweful long time since I last updated...Didja miss me? Anyway, I'm working on the next chapter, but after that I don't have many idea's until the Friday night dance. So, my readers, PLEASE help me and send me your ideas ^^  
  
Love & Insanity  
  
Fiora-da-insane  
  
Fiora_da_insane@hotmail.com 


	17. Haldir's really big d!

Novaeaiel and I did some round-robin writing on some of this. Some idea's from Lily. Thanks to everyone, I luv you all!!!  
  
And if any of you are interested in X-Men Evolution, check out my Homepage on my profile!  
  
*****  
  
11:00 PM (Or sometime close to it) of the day in the last chapter  
  
*****  
  
Late at night it was, and darkness had settled across Lord Elrond's Private Boarding School (Or "LEPBS" to the lazier students, and "Lets Eat Peanut Butter Sandwiches" to the hobbits). Most everyone that didn't count was asleep, at a small meeting of friends, doing homework, or engaging in rule breaking, as were the select few that did matter. Three of the select few were currently standing in the greenhouse, surrounded by pot plants, awaiting the arrival of some other people that mattered.  
  
Gaelwyn was one of those three, as she stood in all her regalness as one of the official hosts, simply because she was in charge of the guest list. Behind her, looking bored, was Sefera, and between them was none other than a very large "dog" (who was half orc at least) called Gaur.  
  
It wasn't long before the expected guests started to wander in, starting with Rumil and Orophin, who had flirted with both girls until Gaur tried to give them a sex change. Behind them came Aragorn, Mablung, Eomer, Boromir, Legolas, Malfanaion (who was written in as Figwit, much to his dismay), A group of Hobbits who were promptly chased away by Gaur, Halbarad, Glorfindel (Who's eyebrows danced as he flirted with Gaelwyn), and a few more people who aren't all that important but were invited anyway.  
  
Finally, Faramir showed up, with Adalea and two people who were not on the list. As soon as these two walked in, Aragorn and Legolas made attempts to hide, for there stood none other that...  
  
Arwen and Arantha.  
  
"They're not on the list," Gaelwyn pointed out, after jerking her eyes forcefully from Faramir.   
  
Silently, Adalea jerked the guest list from Gaelwyn, and wrote "Arwen" and "Arantha" on the list, before handing it back to her. "They are now."   
  
"You can't just bring them in here like this!" Sefera interjected, "They have to be invited in advance!"  
  
"Look, they just want to have a good time. Besides, I don't see why I can't if Fiora can."  
  
"I dunno, because the party is always Fiora's idea?"  
  
And so, the cat fight began, the two girls quietly yelling at each other as Aragorn and Legolas tried to sneak out the back door, only to be stopped by Boromir and Malfanaion.  
  
"And where do you think you two are going?" Malfanaion leered with crossed arms.  
  
"Away from here before those two harpies close in on us!" Aragorn hissed, trying to shove around the two.  
  
"No, Aragorn, I am sorry, but we have to keep you two here. It's for your own good." Boromir grinned.  
  
"What in the Valar do you mean, 'for our own good'?" demanded Legolas, glaring.  
  
"Let's see," Malfanaion smirked, "Girls who like you, plus Lots of Alcohol equals a little something I like to call a 'blow job'."  
  
Legolas and Aragorn seemed to consider this for a moment, before turning to each other.  
  
"Should I get a blow job?" Aragorn asked.  
  
Legolas grinned like a demented Cheshire cat, as he guided his friend towards Arantha. "Certainly, Estel!" he exclaimed, as Malfanaion and Boromir followed, pleased with themselves. "Valar, I'm sure a blow job is just what you need. Me on the other hand..." He turned, and darted for the back door, dodging both Boromir and Malfanaion.  
  
Unfortunately, Isilwen walked into the room at that moment, to lead the guests to the headquarters of the mini-party, and Legolas ran right into her.  
  
"Watch where you're going, blondy!" the white haired elf snapped, helping herself to her feet.  
  
Legolas just sat there, dazed,   
  
Isilwen stepped around him. "You, New girl, is everyone here?"  
  
Gaelwyn blinked "Me?"  
  
"You're the newest one here."  
  
"Oh, uh...yeah, everyone's here"  
  
The white-haired elf grinned. "Good," she declared, then turned to the rest and yelled "Alright everyone, let's move out!"  
  
*****  
  
In his room, Grima Wormtongue lay awake in his bed, Thinking. He thought he had seen Both Adalea and Sefera leave their room, which meant that...  
  
It was empty...  
  
But should he go in there?   
  
Was that a rhetorical question?  
  
Eru was he...is he...am I talking to myself?!?  
  
Yes, he was...he is... am...Valar, he needed to find out what kind of gas the hobbits kept putting in his room...  
  
Decided, he climbed out if bed, and crept towards his door and into the hall, his destination: Adalea's room.  
  
*****  
  
The group of party goers were lead through the forest to their destination, a large clearing with tables, chairs, and a long buffet table decorated with Food and drinks. At one of the tables, Fiora and Haldir sat, with a shot glass at one end, and a small pile of dimes at the other.  
  
"  
  
Where's the Alcohol?"  
  
Everyone turned to look at Mablung, then turned back to Fiora and Haldir, who had been joined by Isilwen. Isilwen was calm. There had to be alcohol. She would have flipped her lid if there wasn't any...  
  
Fiora grinned, and stood up, motioning towards the table. "All Alcoholic beverages have been removed for the time being," she announced, as they all stared at her, wondering what the valor was up, "Because we will be engaging in a game called dimes."  
  
There was a collection of various sounds of agreement, and the group quickly filled the empty sets of the table. Fiora was about to go over the basic rules, when she caught sight of something...one...that just miffed her off.  
  
Two uninvited guests sat at her table. Arwen, with an unreadable expression on her face, sat next to Adalea, watching Fiora expectantly. Next to her, looking smug, sat Arantha, who was too busy staring at Aragorn to notice anything.   
  
She shot a glare over to Gaelwyn, who shrugged and nodded to Adalea, who just shrugged. Fiora had to seriously resist the urge to strangle her. Instead, she calmly sighed, and went over the rules to "Dimes."  
  
"The game is simple. We all split up into smaller groups, and line up in some way. The first person in line has to flip a dime into a shot glass in the middle of the table. If he or she makes it into the shot glass, he or she gets to take a shot of the beverage of his or her choice. If he or she misses, then everyone else in line gets to take a shot."  
  
Everyone nodded, and stood back up to split into groups. Adalea, however, was dragged away by Fiora, while Gaur rounded up Arantha and Arwen and herded them to the two elven girls.  
  
Adalea started, irritated. "Fiora, what is this ab-"  
  
"Why are they here?"  
  
"They wanted to come. Actually, Arwen did, and I figured since she's Elr-"  
  
"Look, I don't care about Arwen. Actually, I don't give a Flying Fuck about Arwen! I want to know why SHE'S here?!?" At this, Fiora jabbed a finger at Arantha accusingly, while Arwen was trying to figure out if Fiora had just insulted her or what.  
  
"Because she's Arwen's friend."  
  
"No! I dont care if she's the daughter of the Valar!"  
  
"She's right here" Arantha sang, and Fiora turned sharply towards her, her left eye and right hand both twitching.  
  
"YOU STAY OUTTA THIS!"  
  
"WHY SHOULD I? YOUR TALKING ABOUT ME!"  
  
"YOU LITTLE-" They lunged at the same time, and grappled at each other while Adalea and Arwen tried to seperate them. It didn't work very well, and soon Fiora had her in a headlock and was punching her head, while Arantha tugged savagly at her hair and kicked her leg.  
  
Adalea sighed and rolled her eyes. "Fiora," she called out boredly, "you are aware that the game of dimes you put so much effort into starting is well under way, and that people are getting drunk, and losing track of their problems at this very moment, aren't you?"  
  
Fiora glanced up momentarily from her Arantha-bashing, and looked contemplative for a moment, before turning her head to the table, around which, the crew was gathered, laughing and drinking.  
  
Her hold on Arantha lessened, and then she threw her to the ground in disgust. And without another word, Fiora marched off to join the game. After all, it had been HER idea.  
  
"Her hand's still twitching" Arwen observed idely.  
  
*****  
  
Elrond sat in his office, going through his recent stack of hate letters from the various students, and a few parents, complaining about the "no sex" policy. Maybe he was being to hard on the students. Heck, maybe all he really needed was a good...  
  
No! He couldn't think like that! What kind of principal would he be, letting the students win! He would see this through, he decided, opening his desk drawer and sending a stench through the room.  
  
Yes, he would see his no sex policy through, stink bombs or no.  
  
*****  
  
The Group, now somewhat drunk, sat around in the clearing. Astartes had curled up aginst an overly drunk Haldir, while Aragorn and Legolas each had their own "Harpies" hanging off of them, although Legolas was spending more time glaring at Adalea than his cling-on. Sefera was massaging Boromir's shoulders, while Faramir rubbed Gaelwyn's hand. Yes, all the drunken love in the clearing was gently and...romantic...   
  
...Unless you were looking at the table where Iswelin had thrown Orophin and straddled him. the two had engaged in a make out session that was better left undescribed...  
  
"Anyone up for Truth or dare?"  
  
There was a number of mumured agreements, and the queastion of "Who's first?"  
  
A pause. Then Rumil called out: "Adalea, truth or dare?"  
  
She looked unsure of herself for a moment, before deciding on "Dare."  
  
Rumil grinned, "French kiss me."  
  
If Adalea had been sober, or slightly less drunk, she might have tried to get it. Instead, she cursed herself, cursed rulim, and then slammed her tounge down his throat. The two played tonsil hockey for about three second before Adalea jerked away and slapped him. They both sat back doen, Rumil rubbing his face, and Adalea turned to Fiora.  
  
"Fiora, Truth or Dare?"  
  
Fiora grinned like a demented chesire cat on weed. "Dare."  
  
Adalea's grin mimicked Fiora's. "I Dare you to....Fench kiss....Arantha!"  
  
Both girls jumped up and yelled "NO!" at the same time.  
  
Adalea smiled slyly "Just waned to see how you two'd take it. Now....your real dare is to cup Haldir"  
  
Fiora stood there, blinking slowly, while Arantha sat back down, only to find her chair and been moved and instead fell ungracefull onto the grass. Haldir had a strange grin on his face, and Astartes looked unhappy. "Am I cupping his breasts or his dick?"  
  
"The second one"  
  
"His second boob?"  
  
"His dick, you idiot."  
  
"he has a second dick?"  
  
"It's possible he does, what do you say, Haldir?" Haldir looked stunned. "For Valar's sake, just cup his dick!"  
  
"Yes, mother!" Fiora sang, and skipped over to the Astartes and Haldir, and started to reach fro Haldir dick when Haldir snatched her hand and asked Adlea,   
  
"With or without pants?" Astarted and Fiora slapped him at the same time.  
  
Adalea grinned "My dear Haldir....don't be too greedy now.....there's still strip poker to come tonight, if I'm not mistaken"  
  
Haldir shrugged "As long as there's more to come." He winked at Fiora, and released her hand, smiling broadly.   
  
Fiora rolled her eyes at Haldir, and jerked her hand in quickly, cupped his "Mini-haldir," and jerked her hand out. "Okay...Arantha, Truth or dare?"  
  
Arantha looked disappointed for a moment, and then, with disgust, tore her eyes from Aragorn, and muttered, "Truth"  
  
"Wuss."  
  
Arantha rolled her eyes. "Hurry, will you?"  
  
"Fine. Have you ever..." she grinned evilly, recalling somthing she'd read in Arwen's diary, "Had a sex dream about any of the teachers? Like say...Elrondo?"  
  
Arantha looked horrified. "Never. How dare you even suggest that!"  
  
Fiora grined wickedly, and pulled a peice of paper out of her pocket. "Dear Diary," she read, "This morning Arantha told me about a disturbing re-occuring dearm about my Father. Ya know, one of those dreams where he's naked and..it's just gross...he had whip cream on him, and she's licking it off, and there was a whip and-"  
  
Arantha's eyes widened. "GIVE ME THAT, NOW!" She glanced back at Aragorn "You know she's mad...."  
  
"Me or Arwen?" Aragorn looked ready to up-chuck right there.  
  
"Both of them....making things up.....thinking they're funny.....haha. great joke!" Everyone stared at her, disgusted that someone COULD even have a sex dream about..HIM!  
  
Fiora looked at Eowyn. "I told you that taking over the school and Elrond's sex life were related."   
  
Eowyn shuddered. "I thought I told you to forget it was ever brought up"  
  
Arantha cut in, "Moving on. Aragorn, truth or dare," she asked, batting her long eyelashes at him.  
  
Aragorn jumped away from her like she was a snake, and said hesitently "Truth," while one of the other guys shouted "WUSS!"  
  
Arantha frowned gently for a moment, "Of all the girls here, who do you find the most attractive?"  
  
"Certianly not you!" he thought to himself, possibly scarred for life. Outloud he said "Fiora". He laughed in his head. 'That'll piss the little wench off.'  
  
The corner of Arantha's mouth twitched gently, and scowling, she crossed her arms in a huff. Aragorn turned to Legolas. "Truth or dare?"  
  
"Dare." Legolas replied, with no hesitation.   
  
"I dare you to give Adalea a lap dance." The girl in question glared at Aragorn, and mouthed profanities at him. Then turned her head away from the crowd.   
  
Legolas just looked stunned. Aragorn clapped him on the back. "Go on, now!"  
  
"But...I… she..." Aragorn hit him again.   
  
"Go. On."  
  
*****  
  
Sauron grinned. Never before had he read something so...delicious, as this very letter, approving of his use of Shelob. He pulled the spider into a hug...actually, one of her legs, and crooned "You're going to catch all those nasty-wasty students, aren't you? Stop them from playing their wittle gameys, and from having fun, arenchu? Arenchu? Who's daddy's wittle girl? You are, yes you are!"  
  
Shelob just clicked her jaws, dreaming of all the fat juicy students… elves, men, hobbits, dwarves...that she would be eating...  
  
*****  
  
"Arwen, Truth or dare?"  
  
"Dare."  
  
"I dare you to grope the hell out of Aragorn."  
  
Arwen went pale for a moment, and took a long swing from a bottle of Vodka (Actually, she inhaled the entire bottle and two more), before doing just that: Groping the hell outta Aragorn. When she was done, he was hard and she had plastered her eyes to the ground. The entire time, Legolas had glared at Adalea, who had glared right back.  
  
"Mal… Figwit. Truth or dare."  
  
The elf boy glared at her, before realizing she wasn't looking at him "Dare."  
  
"I dare you to knit me a sock. With your own hair."  
  
"Just one sock?" Isilwen had climbed off of a very tired and drunk Orophin, and joined them.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And people say I'm odd..."  
  
*****  
  
Grima crept through the halls stealthily, dodging random patrolling orcs and a teacher or two, until he reached his destination. Adalea's room. He reached out, and lightly knocked on the door, and held his breath. No answer.  
  
He gently pushed the door open, not wondering why the door was unlocked, and made his way through the deserted room to a set of drawers located next to Adalea's bed. Oh my! He thought to himself, I wonder if her sexy panties are in that set of drawers! Smiling triumphantly, he pulled on the delicately carved handles, and the drawer slid out-revealing many folded pairs of pants. He frowned for a moment, and replaced the drawer, then tried the one below. This time, his efforts were rewarded with neatly pressed shirts. Still hopeful, he reached for the third set of pulls, and found her socks, and a nice smelling baggie of potpourri (which he tucked discreetly into a pocket). Starting to wonder if Adalea even wore undergarments (thinking about her either way made him smile) he reached the fourth drawer, where he beheld a trove of lacy, silky, and good smelling lingerie. He pulled a lace-flowered black thong out to admire it, and fingered it delicately and lustfully. As he placed it into his pocket along with the bag of potpourri, he noticed that by removing the thong, he had uncovered a slip of paper. Curious, he held it close to his face, to read it.   
  
"Adalea-partti en grove, same place as be4, haldir n me bringin booze n kards fer strip poker." Grima narrowed his eyes, replaced the paper, and stormed out of the room. All the while fingering the black lace in his pocket.   
  
*****  
  
"What should we do now?" Haldir asked, swaying slightly.  
  
Fiora gave him a lopsided grin. "Play strip poker of course."  
  
Isilwen grinned, Astartes smirked at Haldir, and Boromir and Sefera eyed each other. Faramir grinned drunkenly and threw an arm around a giggling Gaelwyn.   
  
"But where are we gonna find a deck of cards big enough for all of us to play?" Rumil questioned.  
  
Just then, Haldir smirked drunkenly at his brother, and reached down to pull out his really big d***  
  
*****  
  
Shelob crept slowly through the trees, making her way through in search of students. Tasty students. It was a pity Gollum was a student-that annoying grey thing, he was useful for finding meals.  
  
*****  
  
"It's so big!" Aragorn gasped.  
  
Sefera stared openly. "I've never seen one so big!"  
  
Astartes looked at Haldir with an odd look in her eyes. "Can I hold it?"  
  
Haldir grinned. "I'll do you one better. You can deal the first round."  
  
She squealed with delight, and took Haldir's really big deck of cards, while everyone migrated to the table to play strip poker. "Everyone know the rules?" she asked, and received various forms of agreement form the players. "Alright then, let's play!"  
  
And so it began, as Astartes dealt out Haldir's really big deck of cards. The entire group sat in a circle, each planning on who would loose their clothes if they won.  
  
"Haldir, take off you shirt." Fiora commanded, laying down her cards. Four aces without drawing.  
  
"WAIT!" Astartes snapped, after she had dropped two cards and picked up two more. "I have Five aces. Haldir, take off your shirt."  
  
Fiora looked at her funnily, while Adalea gathered the cards and started to deal, while Haldir took his shirt off. "Was there a point to that?"  
  
"No."  
  
*****  
  
Grima. Was. Lost. He had stormed out of the school to crash the party, and had thus far passed the lake twice. Heck, he couldn't even find his way back to the school! He sighed, and pulled out Adalea's lacey black underwear. 'Why do I even have this?' he asked himself. 'Why am I here?'  
  
Growling, he emptied he pockets of Adalea's stuff, hurling it into the lake, and stormed off in hopes of finding his way to the school or...somewhere.  
  
*****  
  
Haldir, now reduced to his underwear (Fiora and Astartes had targeted him), glared at Fiora, who was down to her bra and pants (a shirtless Aragorn had targeted her to piss off a now underwear-clad Arantha). The elf had a large grin on her face, as she put down her cards. A Royal flush. Ace, King, Queen, Jack, Ten.   
  
Instead, she turned to a pantless Faramir, and much to Gaelwyn's pleasure (She had on only her bra and underwear), she told him to strip.  
  
Isilwen giggled, and not for the first time people wondered how she was still conscious, she had drunken so much booze. "Gaelwyn an Faramir, sittin' in a twee, K-I-S-S *HIc* I-N-G. " The said elf and human blushed, but Faramir leaned over and kissed her on the lips.  
  
Adalea dealt, and soon Legolas and Orophin were reduced to their pants, while Fiora tried to leave the table.  
  
"No!" was the general reply, while Arantha made a comment on how nobody wanted to see her body anyway.  
  
"Someone has to make sure nobody's coming!" Fiora protested, as Arwen stripped off her bra.  
  
"If you're gong, I'm going too!" Adalea stood, only to be yanked down again by Figwit.  
  
"No, you stay here."  
  
"But someone could show up!" she insisted.  
  
"Nobody's gonna show up!"  
  
From the sky, she dropped down right into the table, sending the kids, mostly naked, scurrying away as it broke under her weight.   
  
"Spi...spi...de....spider..."Isilwen immediately went into a state of shock, and was swooped up by Orophin and hauled off towards the school.  
  
*****  
  
What did ya'll think?  
  
Love & Insanity,  
  
Fiora-da-insane  
  
Fiora_da_insane@hotmail.com 


End file.
